A Survivor's Fight for Change

A Time For Change!

2012-01-26T21:41:00.001-05:00

When it comes to defending those who have been sexually and physically abused, I'm usually first in that persons corner, trying to help them through their own personal trauma. But when it comes to those who are framed and falsely accused- I get rather angry!

As of late, I have ran across a couple of different situations of where the person who cried rape, gets the one she/he has accused of this crime locked up in jail, then ruins this persons life and reputation. The one who is accused of this, (in this first true life story,) in all actuality, never touched the so-called, "victim," due to the young girl had lied to him about her age- when he found out the truth, he did the right thing and turned her advances down, leaving her to feel rejected. She- on the other hand, got angry- falsely accused him of touching her. The court system railroaded him- he was sentenced to six months, with five years suspended, (which, he already had served this amount of time while waiting for trial. I must add, he was given a Court Appointed Attorney, who didn't do anything to help him.) Then upon being released, he has to have three years of supervised probation and be registered as a sex offender for the rest of his life. The biggest problem I see with this, is not just the fact of him being falsely accused and being railroaded by the system, but the worst and horrible fact is, this young man is just a teenager! He was accused when he was eighteen- he spent his nineteenth birthday in jail.

Another case, (story number 2,)- a young man I know, who is now in his early thirties, was labeled as a sex offender when he was only fifteen years old! He's still on the registry and will be for life too. His only crime was that of another curious young teen who wanted to compare their different sizes of penis'- the young teen showed his, and the one who is registered as the sex offender, showed him his also. The younger teens mother caught them and it was then, this young man yelled rape because he was afraid he'd get into trouble! The court system in this case, also railroaded this individual- he had to be on five years probation plus register as a sex offender for life.

What is wrong with our so-called, Legal Justice System? Young teenage boys don't quit physically growing until they are in their early twenties, but they are expected to act and be responsible as adults, thinking like a forty year old when they turn fifteen or the legal age of eighteen! It infuriates me to no end, how other individuals lies are so quickly considered as the gospel while they have made the innocent ones, their victims. They don't only ruin the lives of these people, but their families as well- making it to where, these lies cause a life time of misery for all concerned.

The ones who speak these lies, are the ones who should have a long look taken at! The ones who are accused, tell their side of what happened, but just because they are accused, it is an immediate judgment that they are guilty. Somehow, society seems to forget this one simple fact-- there are two sides to every story.

If a young girl is putting herself out there to entice and basically beg for a males attention- why do people not look into her background and see why this girl is doing this? If she's sexually promiscuous- then why? How did she become this way? How long has she been having sex?

Is it right to railroad these boys on biased opinions of all in a legal setting and is it right to label them as sexual offenders for life when they are only teenagers themselves? It's a time for change in the laws and a change in society's way of thinking. Not everyone is guilty!

Broken to Blessings

2011-11-06T19:08:00.001-05:00

I've had some people ask me if I would be willing to post the beginning of my newest story I'm writing, so here is the first chapter to introduce you to "Broken to Blessings."

                                                                        Chapter 1

                                                                  The Forming Years

I was a small child, only five years of age when my grandparent's took me for awhile to visit at their home, (at least this was my mother's understanding.) When the time came for me to be returned to my family, my grandparent's decided against it and kept me to raise as their own child. Little did I know until many years later after finding my biological parents, my grandparent's had kidnapped me.

There were so many times during the first year of living with them, I'd go to bed in my own bed, then wake in the morning to find myself in a different bed, in a different house completely unfamiliar to me. The last memory I have of waking up somewhere else, was at some guy's home in a different state. My grandmother explained to me that he was my Uncle Claude and during the night he needed her help. She further explained that we were on a great adventure and after she took care of him, our adventure would continue. Being a child, I accepted what she said. After a day or two, we would return back home and life would go on.

My grandmother had this thing about getting me to call her, 'mommy.' She would drill me for hours at a time asking me who she was.

"Grandma," I would say.

"No, mommy." she'd reply.

"You're not my mommy!" I would exclaim. We would do this continuously back and forth until she finally brought out a washrag and a bar of soap. She lathered the cloth up good, then asked, "who am I?"

"Grandma!" I'd reply with anger in my voice. No sooner than I had gotten the word out, she shoved the washrag violently into my mouth to the back of my throat causing it to hurt.

"Don't you dare try to bite me," she screamed.

I remember having a hard time trying to breathe and how hard I gagged. It felt as if she was trying to shove it clear down my throat. She would then proceed to scrub my mouth until my gums bled around my teeth and turned the soapy foam from the color white to pink. The look on her face was one distorted with rage and smugness. "Now, who am I?" she questioned after she removed the rag.

"Grandma," I sobbed while choking the word out through a mouthful of nasty tasting suds.

She came at me with the rag again and I hoarsely screamed out, "mommy! Mommy!"

"That's right! I'm mommy and grandpa is your daddy! Now when he gets home from work, you call him daddy, not grandpa. Also, there is no need to tell him about me washing your mouth out either. He doesn't need to be bothered with what is a mother's duties in disciplining her daughter. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded my head as I glared at her through my tears while trying not to swallow.

She reached out and slapped me upside my head as hard as she could while screaming, "don't look at me! When you're in trouble, look at the ground! Never, ever look a person in the eye while you're being punished, look down, hang your head or otherwise they'll take it as a sign that you want to fight. Do you want to fight me?"

I looked up at her after she had told me to hang my head down, "no gr- mommy, I don't want to fight you," I sobbed.

She hit me once again upside of my head, knocking me to the floor, "I told you, don't look at me! Now go rinse your mouth out and go to your room for the rest of the day!"

I obeyed and laid on my bed sobbing until I fell asleep. Just before I did, I remember hearing the key in lock on the door. She had locked me in my room. I didn't care because I didn't want to be around her anymore.

I wanted to go home and be with my own Mommy and Daddy and my four brothers. I knew they wouldn't hurt me like this.

Just before my grandparent's had taken me, my Mother had come home from the hospital with a brand new baby sister. I wanted to know her. I'm the oldest of all of my siblings. I had missed them terribly and wasn't allowed to talk about them after being with my grandparents for the first couple of months of living with them. So, I tucked them all away in my heart and carried them there for many, many years. As I cried myself to sleep that day, my siblings also went to sleep as I clung to them in the deepest depths of me.

My grandparents had two children of their own which were my Aunt and Uncle. That same day just before dinner time, my grandmother woke me, then hissed in my ear after I sat up, "Gregory isn't your uncle, he's your brother. Eliza isn't your aunt, she's your sister. Do you understand?"

I looked down at the floor and nodded my head. This was my beginning point of being afraid of my grandmother. There were more vicious incidents to follow with her in my future.

Gregory was a teenager at the time I had come to live with them. One night while grandma and grandpa were out having dinner, Gregory attacked Elisa and had her down on the floor beating on her. I began to scream at him and pounded my little fists on his back, telling him to get off of her and quit hitting her. He back-handed me which sent me flying across the room, then went after his sister again. I kept on screaming! He jumped up and ran over to me, grabbed me, then threw me onto the sofa. From the corner of it, he latched onto the pillow that was there and held it over my face, suffocating me. All I remember was hearing Eliza screaming at him, then darkness came. When I woke, I was in my bed and grandma was sitting next to me, feeling my forehead. I was very disoriented and fell back to sleep, or what seemed like sleep to me.

The next morning after this incident, Gregory came in my room before everyone else was up and woke me. "Don't you dare say a word about last night or I will kill you the next time. Got it squirt?"

At first I didn't know what he was talking about and then it came back to me about the pillow, so I nodded my head.

"Good! Now remember- I will kill you if you tell mom and dad anything!"

I kept my word and didn't say anything, Eliza did! My grandfather cornered Gregory at the top of the stairs and knocked him clear down to the bottom, then pulled him up off of the floor and kept smashing his fist into Gregory's face all the way out the front door. I watched with fearful eyes and wondered if that would be how Gregory would kill me? I was afraid of him now. Gregory didn't come home until the next day.

Grandma had a very good and prestigious reputation within the community because she was a school teacher. It seemed like just about everyone in town had her as either their fifth grade teacher or first grade. Everyone adored her and thought she was the greatest and most wonderful teacher around. Little did they know her true hateful colors. Even her own children and husband were unaware of how she really was. She was also highly respected in the church and prided herself as being a good devote Christian woman. We attended, The First Church of Christ every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday Prayer Service, and Thursday's choir practice.

In the summer after I was six years old, my grandmother was doing the wash and noticed all kinds of slits and slashed on the bed sheets when she began to fold them. I was happily sitting on the sofa and helping her by folding the pillow cases and towels and hadn't noticed what she had until she began screaming. "Candice! What have you done here?"

I looked up with a surprised look that turned into a horrified expression when I saw her standing there glaring at me through a big slash, the sheet framing her face. "I didn't do that!" I insisted. My grandmother kept on screaming at me.

"These sheets are completely ruined! What did you use? A razor blade?"

"I didn't do it mommy… honest, I didn't!"

My grandmother dropped the sheet and ran up the stairs, then came back down with a razor blade in her hand. "I'll show you what a razor blade can do!" she screamed.

She jerked me up off of the sofa, causing the pile of towel to fall on the floor, ripped the front of my shirt open, then proceeded to slashed me four times down my chest to my navel. She slashed deep enough to draw blood and to leave scars, (which are still visible to this day,) but not deep enough to require stitches.

"This is for the four sheets I've found. If I find anymore, you will have a slash for those as well."

I prayed silently on shaky legs that she wouldn't find any other bad sheets and she didn't. I had to stand there while she looked and folded what remained in the basket, while little streams of blood ran down, staining my shorts and underwear. When she was finished, she told me to go upstairs and clean myself up, then go to my room for the rest of the day. I was crying very hard to the point of where my throat hurt from holding back the sobs, trying to do it quietly as she threatened to hit me upside of my head if I didn't shut up. When I got to my room, I grabbed my pillow and sobbed into it, "I want my Mommy and Daddy- I want them, I want them, I want them!" I fell asleep and slept all the rest of that day and night. My grandmother told my grandfather I wasn't to have supper that night because of those sheets. To this day, I still don't know for sure who slashed them and I can only speculate, but I do know, it wasn't me.

By the time I turned seven years old though, my life took on a tumultuous turn as I was sent to a children's home to live. I would be there for a couple of months, then would go back into my grandparent's care for a short time. This happened time and time again, over and over, (I lost count of how many times,) until I was nine years of age. My eighth and ninth birthdays were spent in the children's home.

The first couple of times of being sent away, I remember sitting in some lady's car and watching what little stuff I had being loaded and packed away in the back seat. I was crying and begging for a second chance for whatever it was that I was supposed to have done to be sent away like this. My grandmother told me, "now be a big girl and stop your crying. You'll be back home before you know it." Finally after the third and the following consecutive times of being sent away, I just climbed into whose ever car it was and sat quietly, looking down at the floorboard. There were no tears. By this time, I had become withdrawn due to being sedated and rarely spoke unless I was spoken to. My grandmother told that lady who was taking me away, "we think she must be slightly mentally retarded, the kind that begins to show after a person gets older because she doesn't talk anymore and her doctor has put her on medications for seizures. Please make sure they give her, her pills in the morning and at night." (I've never had a seizure in my life and I do know, I'm not mentally retarded!)

My birthday falls three weeks before Christmas and the year when I turned nine, I spent not only my birthday, but Christmas as well at the children's home. My grandmother hadn't been there to visit me like she had in the past times of me being there, so other people who were wanting to adopt children were visiting me. Some of the people were real nice, as I recall a couple of different couples had taken me to their homes to spend a night with them, then I had to go back to the children's home the next day. All I wanted was to belong to a family. My own family was no longer on my mind because of being drugged on whatever medication it was my grandmother had the doctor put me put on. The only thing I did know at that time was my heart felt so very empty and I felt so alone. That Christmas, I just sat back on the floor in the farthest corner away from everyone else and watched the other children unwrap the donated gifts.

This one little girl by the name of Kathy brought a gift over to me and sat it down on the floor in front of me. I shook my head no as I stared at the floor, "you open it Kathy, I don't want it," I told her. She insisted that I open it. I never did.

My grandmother showed up after the first of the new year and surprised me by telling me that she was taking me home with her. Just before I was ready to leave, I laid that unwrapped gift on Kathy's bed with a little note that said, 'I hope you find your family.' I had overheard her talking many times about how she hoped she would find a family who would want her. I wonder if she ever did?

Being back and living with my grandparents set me up for more abuse as my grandmother would still do things to hurt me physically, however to her, it was discipline. I don't consider slamming big heavy school books down on the top of someone's head as hard as they could be slammed would be considered discipline, but time and time again, she would corner me, usually due to my grades in school, and drive the word of education into me. The only education I got from that was, yes, it is possible for a person to see stars! I don't know how many ping pong paddles got broken on my rear end by her either. I would be bruised for weeks at a time. A lot of my so called discipline from her was due to me finding letters addressed to me from my Mother and finding pictures of my siblings within their contents. My grandmother would search my room and find my hiding spots where I had taken what rightfully belonged to me. After a few times of the sessions with the paddles, grandma took me to the doctor and had me heavily medicated. I spent a half of a school year in bed under the impression I had rheumatic fever and had to repeat the third grade again. To this day, any doctor I have seen since being on my own from the age of eighteen, hasn't found any signs of me ever having rheumatic fever as it scars the heart.

During this time of me being in bed all of the time, and us sharing the same room, Eliza, the one who had tried to protect me at various times when Gregory was ready to cut loose on me, decided she wanted to explore her little 'sister's' body and wanted little 'sister' to return the 'affection,' as she called it. Eliza was gentle in the fact that she didn't penetrate me very far with her fingers, because she enjoyed oral expression more. Somehow, I knew this was wrong. I didn't know how, but I just knew. I didn't like it and told her so, but she wouldn't leave me alone and I didn't want to say anything to grandma because I was afraid she would turn the tables and blame me, then administer her form of discipline, so this went on for a short time. Eliza made me feel loved and made me feel special by nick naming me, 'Star.' I don't know if grandma knew what was going on or not, but all at once Eliza was moved out of our bedroom to a room upstairs.

After about six months of being in bed, I was finally allowed to get up and move about the house. Grandma had a hairdresser's appointment every Saturday morning and left Gregory in charge while she was gone. Eliza usually went with her. Grandpa would get up early on the weekends and go fishing all day. So, there I am, stuck at the house with Gregory. Just like clockwork, he would pull off his belt and begin beating me with it, most times for no reason at all and he didn't care where it struck me. I'd run out of the house and down the street, then head towards the football field to hide under the bleachers. By the time grandma would get back home, I'd head back to the house, then get my bottom warmed up with the ping pong paddle until it was broken in two for leaving the house. I would tell her what Gregory did and tried to show her the marks, but she refused to listen, much less look at the welts he left. "I'm sure you did something to deserve it," she would say. The weekly beatings didn't stop until after he went away to college to become a preacher…

Things at home were less strained the following year. I was a little older and got good at hiding the letters I'd find from my mother. One Saturday morning while grandma and Eliza were at the beauty salon, and grandpa was out fishing again, the mailman delivered a package addressed to me from my mother. She had sent me my first electric toy sewing machine. I loved that little thing and was able to keep it hidden for many months.

Eventually, my grandmother found it, along with the letters. But, Without getting too angry this time, she flippantly said, "you're no better than your mother. You look like her, you act like her and you'll end up being just like her. She's a failure."

Grandma paused, then continued as her eyes rested on the toy my mother had sent me. "Now, Eliza is the one who has the world by the tail. If you think you can sew, you'll never be better than she is at that or anything else you try to do, so I wouldn't even bother trying, if I were you. " With that said, she tossed the letters she still held in her hand at me, left my room and left me standing there trying to absorb what she had just said to me.

I sat down and began to wonder about my mother. I couldn't remember what she looked like. I didn't know how she acted, but I did remember times of being with her that were pleasant times and memories. I also knew I missed her…

At church that following Sunday, grandma had me medicated to the point of where I was unable to stay awake during services. That embarrassed her to no end, but she told people that I was coming down sick again to cover up her humiliation.

When we got home, she went and retrieved a ping pong paddle. When I saw it in her hand, I just pulled out the dining room chair, bent over, placing the palms of my hands on the seat while waiting for the first blow. With each whack, the Golden Rule was being recited by her.

"Do," whack, "unto," whack, "others," whack, "as," whack, "you," whack, "would," whack, "have," whack, "others," whack, "do" whack, "unto," whack, "you," whack!

She continued to paddle me and I silent began to say a prayer through my tears, asking God to please let that paddle break!

Whack- CRACK!

"Oh thank you God!" I cried out loud.

Grandma dropped the broken paddle down on the top of the dining table, "now, sit down young lady, I want to talk to you."

This surprised me because she always sent me to my room after administering her corporal punishment.

"It's rude of you to thank God for nonsense, whatever nonsense it was, and it was rude of you to fall asleep in church today. You're a very rude child and very disrespectful. If you were speaking to a congregation, would you want them to fall asleep while you talked? I think not!" she said answering her own question. "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you… now, go to your room for the rest of the day until it's time to go to evening services. You may eat your dinner after church tonight."

I was happy to be in my room. It was my fortress, my place of peace because I knew grandma wouldn't bother me there. Why did she hate me so much and why was she so mean to me? The Golden Rule ran through my mind like a buzz saw. I promised myself that day, I would never treat others like my grandmother treated me. "I will be better than you grandma," I whispered in between my sobs before I laid down and cried myself to sleep.

Judge Not- Lest Ye Be Surprised!

2011-10-25T22:03:00.001-04:00

Why is it, some people seem to think they know your child better than you do?   They go out of their way to come and introduce themselves, then proceed to tell you, in a round about way, that you should have raised them right! Let me share a conversation that happened recently- names have been changed...

Before I begin, the child in this article is a teenager, who is nineteen years old. He got himself into trouble with the law during the summer. His mother bonded him out of jail and within a five week span, he was re-arrested because he did something else that was just as stupid as what landed him in jail to begin with.

                                                                CONVERSATION

Stranger: "I'm Mrs. Jones- I'm a substitute teacher and I teach writing. You must be Jacob's mom- he looks so much like you."

Mother: "Yes, I guess you can tell he's my son- can I help you?"

Stranger: "I just wanted to stop and let you know, I went to see him at the jail. I don't know for sure what kind of trouble he's in, he wouldn't tell me, but it seems to me, if he had been taught in a different way, he might not be in the trouble he's in- he doesn't seem to know the difference between right and wrong."

Mother: "Excuse me?"

Stranger: "Oh- I didn't mean to imply that you haven't tried to teach him-- he's what eighteen or nineteen now? He seems to have the mind of a twelve year old because he just seems so immature. I've known Jacob for awhile and have watched him grow. However, he should be all grown up in his thinking and not getting into trouble with the law."

Mother: "How is it, you know my son?"

Stranger: "Oh, he use to be friends with my son, Tommy. I also helped him with his school work some last year at the high school."

Mother: "Well, if you know my son like you say you do, do you know that he is ADHD and Bipolar?"

Stranger: "No, I wasn't aware of that."

Mother: "Well, let me tell you something about my son. He has been on medication since he was six years old- clear up until the time he turned eighteen. When he hit that age, he no longer felt that he needed to take his meds. I couldn't argue anymore with him because he knew, he was now old enough to where he could do what he wanted and that since he was legally an adult, he didn't have to listen to his parents any longer. When he's off of his medication, he does stupid things and gets into trouble. When he takes them, he's fine- more mature and in control of his actions. We have had many, upon many arguments about the importance of him needing to take his medication"

Stranger: "Well, you should have had him seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist."

Mother: "My son has seen more psychiatrists and psychologists than you can ever imagine! He never listened to any of them the whole time he's been growing up. You have no idea of how much money has been invested into his medical needs- you have no idea of how much patience and love has gone into this kid. We have tried our best to raise him right and to teach him what to do and what not to do. Please don't come to my house presuming you know my son better than I do and telling me, what he needs or that he should have been taught in a different way! Good day Mrs. Jones!"

*************

When people blame the parents for a child's behaviors or mistakes they are sitting in judgement, plain and simple. What they don't realize, there ARE parents who can and do try to no end to raise their "Special Needs" children right- just as others who don't have children with a handicap, but are blessed with "normal" kids. Sometimes however, these, "normal" kids get into just as much trouble as a "Special Needs" kid does too!

In Jacob's case, his parents did all they could do and still tried to find any other paths and solutions to help him thrive and to become a responsible adult. As he got older, all other options were and have been exhausted. The only thing his parents can do at this point in time is pray he is learning a valuable lesson about how important it is for him to take his medication so he can know the difference between right and wrong...

Medication can be the best thing to happen to certain children, while on the other hand, some children are misdiagnosed and given medication for all of the wrong reasons. With Jacob, he is like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde with and without it. It's more to his benefit to take what does help him.

Final thought- to those people who don't have time to do anything else but, sit in judgement on other people lives, judge not, lest ye be surprised! If they only knew what it was like to walk in certain peoples shoes, I bet, they wouldn't be so condescending, but understood a little better!

Lost Children of Greed

2011-10-21T20:02:00.001-04:00

*Personal Note and Warning* What you're about to read may infuriate you as all of the information I have received concerning this has made my blood boil! Sometimes it's a little hard to write about things such as this without placing my own feelings in it and completely going off on a tangent- However, I've kept a lot of other content out but have written just a few basic concepts of this ugly truth...

October is recognized as National Domestic Violence Awareness month, however, this concept and fact seems to elude some people whom think they're better than others and that the ugly picture of domestic violence doesn't apply to them. Sadly, I'm talking about some foster parents that work for various Family Social Service Agencies and I'm positive, there are some, and the same, kind of people who work for the governments Social Services.

What's bad is when a child has to be removed from their biological family for whatever reason, (or no reason at all,) but what is worse- is when they're placed in an abusive, non-caring, non-complying foster home! The social workers aren't aware of some of these foster parents activities as they get good at lying and manipulating the system along with basically terrorizing the children who are already traumatized.

*Examples*

One child, age fourteen, let's call her, "Alice," was taken away from her mother who had a problem with drugs and alcohol, only to be placed in a foster home where the foster mother took all of the money that was allotted from the government for the child, used it on herself by going out to bars to party- buying her own beer and wine to stock her house full of it. This foster mother drank from sun up to sun down! She also has a problem with an addiction to pain medication.

The days the social worker was to show up for home inspection, she'd remain sober, and acted all loving and caring toward Alice. The rest of the time however, she called her terrible names, and treated her like garbage.

One day, Alice asked the social worker, "why was I taken away from my mother who drinks and parties, and you put me here with another woman who does the same?"

Of course, the foster mother got indignant and accused the girl of lying! She had become such a practiced smooth talker that she had the social worker convinced Alice was indeed lying.

Another time, the same foster mother had a little boy under the age of ten in her care. He had been taken from his mother because she had a drug addiction. This young guy was already tramatized by what his mother did, plus being removed from what he knew as home- only to be placed with someone who yelled at him continuously, telling him, he was no better than his crack head mother. She'd go as far as to tell him, he would never amount to anything and he just might as well end it and kill himself with the same drugs his mother used! The whole time this child was in her care, she screamed at him, constantly belittling him.

She would use the foster children to clean her home and her husband would have them do manual, back breaking work outside. She'd lock the food away so they couldn't eat anything extra other that what she allowed them to eat... peanut butter sandwiches and Ramen Noodles.

When it came time for these children to go to a doctor, she wouldn't take them and let them suffer through whatever had inflicted their well being by locking them in their rooms. She wouldn't buy them clothing...

The last foster daughter she had, didn't even own a winter coat until just recently, and that is because she's of age to leave. This poor girl went without any winter clothing, or new clothing for a period of a few years while she remained in this home. During these years there, when Christmas rolled around, she didn't receive any gifts on Christmas Day, but had to sit and watch this woman and her husband open theirs.

There's so much more this woman did to mentally and verbally abuse these young victims of life. No wonder, the children go bad or kill themselves. The ones who were teenagers in her home, have now ended up on the streets, in trouble with the law or just completely lost on drugs.

This woman is no longer a foster mother however, but the damage has been done worse than what the biological parents ever did to their children.

I do know for a fact, there are very good foster homes out there- people who truly cares about the children, but people like this one particular lady I'm speaking about, only cares for the financial aspect that comes along with being a foster parent. She could care less about these children and has proven this time and time again.

Sometimes, the social workers do need to listen to the children...

From the Desk of Abby

2011-09-25T09:31:00.000-04:00

Dear readers,

Please forgive my laxness is posting any articles. There have been events come about in my life which has required more of my time and also in the process, left a gaping hole that needs mending. I will be back to writing soon, I promise.

For the time however, please begin to wear your purple ribbons early, if you haven't already- as next month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I have worn mine for the entire year because Domestic Violence is a daily occurrence, not just during certain times of the year.

Blessings to all...

Side Effect of Being a Survivor

2011-06-11T12:23:00.004-04:00

It seems as of late, I've been stretching myself short. From being a governmental worker within the Home Health Care Industry, to trying to start my own sewing business, plus being available for others in need of help within the Domestic Violence Community, I'm still a mother of teenagers, a housewife of the most awesome husband, and an all-around, down-to-earth helper/provider for my family and our animals. I tend to a veggie garden which was put in with love and care and have, in some odd fashion, inherited a mini farm. We have, (actually, I have, because the other members of our home don't have time, *chuckle* such a silly concept as they have more time than I do,) but anyhow, I've had to take care of six chickens, one rooster, four fish, four kittens, plus one other full-grown cat and two puppies, (ranging between the ages of six weeks to five months.) I can't help it, I've got so very much love to spread around! *chuckle again*

However, to get back to what I mainly want to talk about, when I have time, I've been working on my passion, which is, writing. If I could devote the rest of my life to writing, I'd be in Author Heaven! It's something else to keep my mind busy and is also therapeutic in keeping my sanity.

I've noticed with myself, when I had gone through the past abuse I suffered- (many, many years ago, I must add,) and after I got over feeling sorry for myself, (which was a battle and a half,) I would dive, head first, into all kinds of activities just to keep myself busy, with no time to think, dwell, or ponder on all of my losses. Each day became, one day at a time... Now... twenty-some years later, I still see the same old pattern of business and distractions happening with me. I guess in some aspect, this is a side effect of being a survivor.

LITTLE MASTER OF TALL TALES

2011-06-09T09:46:00.000-04:00

Available at:

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Little-Master-of-Tall-Tales/Shari-Smith/e/2940012932723

On Sale for $.99

Little Master of Tall Tales is a story of when a child continually tells made up stories as opposed to telling the truth. It becomes hard for them to get their parents to believe in what they say. Penny, (the main character,) sets out to prove that she's not telling a, "Tall Tale," but is she?

I had written this story for my daughter when she was between the age of 6-8 years old. It inspired her to tell the truth when she was young and this valuable lesson has carried on with her through her teenage years.

Hattie Brown- Still Missing After Two Years

2011-05-19T04:53:00.002-04:00

Hattie Brown

Halifax Co. Woman Still Missing Two Years Later

Small Furry Creatures Teach Valuable Lessons

2011-05-13T14:21:00.000-04:00

On a cold rainy day, while walking back home from a friend’s house,my son found a box lying along the side of our country road. Inside the box, he found 4 little kittens who were small enough for us to feed by hand- they were very young- approx. guess- a few days old as their eyes were still somewhat closed. Of course, I have been the one to feed them on their schedule as opposed to a son with a heart, who has no time to himself, but wastes a lot of it too, and also lacks in the patience of the time it takes. *Chuckle* Anyway, I was feeding them around the clock, my daughter helping from time to time and now they are old enough to actively be running around our house and easily getting under-foot.

However, these kittens have captured my heart. There is nothing more gratifying than their little tummies expanding, and them falling asleep in your hand. Yes, they have been small enough to fit in the palm of your hand! Anyway, while caring for these cute little creatures, I found some corelation between the adoptive factor and the birth mother... For the longest time, I was hurting, more than anyone knew, because of the way things had happened in my life when the legal kidnapping ring took over. I know, I’m not a bad person, but was lead to believe I was--- with what had happened in our lives, it was a freak of governmental rule and an ex-husband who milked it.... Anyway, back to the kittens and their impact on my life...

It took me a long time to accept that adoptive parents could love and nurture children who didn’t belong to them or come from their own flesh and blood- not like a parent who gave birth to them, as to me, that IS a special kind of love... But with taking care of these kittens, my eyes have been opened up. I’ve become their adoptive Mom and I love them like crazy... I can only imagine that their own birth mother must have missed them- I’d love to re-unite them, but am un-sure of which cat in our neck of the woods is their birth mother. Anyhow- I can understand now, that there are childless couples out there who can fill the shoes and play the role of parenting, along with being good at it. It’s amazing how God’s littlest creatures can teach some valuable lessons.

By the way, the picture above is of, “Wookie,” my daughter’s favorite kitten being fed from a syringe. Cute, isn’t he? The kittens are now close, I would say, to being five weeks old.

Lori Finnila- Author/Survivor

2011-03-13T07:27:00.001-04:00

	The Women Empowerment Radio Show and Magazine was created to strengthen women. Please meet Lori Finnila.


	Lori was an inspiring model/actress taken down by hate and zealous. Being injured she had to go back home to it all where she was abused as a child. After going through domestic violence, being stalked, drugged, possibly poisoned, and beaten down to a permanent brain injury she is now an aspiring singer and writer/publisher of three books and a non-profit magazine 'The Women Empowerment Radio Show and Magazine' to help other victims. Lori currently resides in Oregon and has three published books "The Last Day I Was Me," "Black Sheep Never Cry, Dedicated to the memory of John F. Kennedy, Jr.," and “The Virtuous Woman.” She is aspiring to have her work produced for movies and to partake in the production of these and eventually open a Women Production House. Her personal interviews are at http://www.lorifinnila.webs.com. She is now with Turner Maxwell Books in London online and LJ Publishing at Amazon. Free Copies of her books are at http://www.smashwords.com by searching Lori Finnila. To learn more about The Women Empowerment Radio Show and Magazine please visit: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/The-Women-Empowerment-Radio-Show-and-Magazine/189800794389054

Lori was an inspiring model/actress taken down by hate and zealous. Being injured she had to go back home to it all where she was abused as a child. After going through domestic violence, being stalked, drugged, possibly poisoned, and beaten down to a permanent brain injury she is now an aspiring singer and writer/publisher of three books and a non-profit magazine 'The Women Empowerment Radio Show and Magazine' to help other victims.

Lori currently resides in Oregon and has three published books "The Last Day I Was Me," "Black Sheep Never Cry, Dedicated to the memory of John F. Kennedy, Jr.," and “The Virtuous Woman.” She is aspiring to have her work produced for movies and to partake in the production of these and eventually open a Women Production House.

Her personal interviews are at http://www.lorifinnila.webs.com. She is now with Turner Maxwell Books in London online and LJ Publishing at Amazon. Free Copies of her books are at http://www.smashwords.com by searching Lori Finnila.

To learn more about The Women Empowerment Radio Show and Magazine please visit:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/The-Women-Empowerment-Radio-Show-and-Magazine/189800794389054

Tauheedah Jaabar

2011-01-22T19:20:00.000-05:00

Tauheedah speaking about her life...

More Men Reporting Physical Abuse, YWCA Offering Help

2011-01-11T11:34:00.000-05:00

More Men Reporting Physical Abuse, YWCA Offering Help

Police Request Help With Finding Missing Woman

2011-01-07T07:05:00.002-05:00

The Anchorage Police Department Homicide Unit, is requesting the assistance of the public in locating a person who has been missing since mid-April of 2010. She is Angela Neal Dixiano and she lived in Anchorage, Alaska.

An obituary was found in the Star Online newspaper in Washington state last June for Angela, saying she had died after an ongoing battle with her health. The obituary also stated that she lived in Alaska with her husband, William. But- Detectives say things don't add up and that there is no record of her death in Alaska, or any other state, along with no record of her leaving Alaska.

The Anchorage police have said that they have arrested her 60-year-old husband recently on charges of forgery, theft and scheming to defraud as they had been told, Angela threatened to expose her husband for embezzlement before she disappeared.

Police detectives have learned during their investigation that William made large cash deposits into a bank account and bought four Chevrolet Corvettes, a motor home, a Chrysler PT Cruiser and a Buick LaSabre over the past several years. It has become clear in the course of the investigation, that her husband was using Angela's inheritance and her trust fund to purchase items for himself without her knowledge or permission.

Angela is 44 years of age, 5'6" tall- weighs 140 pounds and has blonde hair and blue eyes. If anyone has information about her disappearance or whereabouts they should call: The Anchorage Police Department in Anchorage, Alaska.

Here Women Talk!!

2010-12-30T12:04:00.001-05:00

Greetings everyone!

I would like to introduce you to a wonderfully awesome interactive social media that brings results to peoples lives. HWT, (Here Women Talk,) is unique because it is social radio, professionally produced from a studio in Myrtle Beach, SC.

What is social radio? Think of it as a gathering place, a virtual women’s center, where women (and men) talk. And we all know women like to talk!

Launched June 14, 2010, HWT is the brainchild of founder Kay Van Hoesen who realized her dream of opening a “place” – a virtual center -- for women to meet, share, empower, cajole, entertain, inform, inspire, motivate and change lives. And change lives, they do! In addition to light-hearted programs on the paranormal, yogi philosophies, professional storytelling, and male and female differences, they also have weekly programs covering faith, secret tools of private investigators, legal help, addiction prevention, searches for missing persons, and a show on human trafficking connecting grass-roots and international groups combating human trafficking with live reports from the U.S. and abroad.

I invite you all to check this site out and join me there- sponsors are always welcome too! http://www.herewomentalk.com

Have a wonderful and safe New Year!

Brittany Mae Smith: Missing Roanoke Girl Found in California - wtvr

2010-12-10T20:39:00.001-05:00

Brittany Mae Smith: Missing Roanoke Girl Found in California - wtvr

ROANOKE —

Roanoke County Police Chief Ray Lavender says 12-year-old Brittany Mae Smith has been found safe and unharmed in San Francisco, California.

Update on the Search for Brittany Smith

2010-12-10T09:03:00.003-05:00

Police in Miami Beach, Florida thought they were closing in on Jeffrey Scott Easley, the man suspected of killing Brittany's mother, Tina, and who has Brittany with him. On a tip from a cashier there, the police barged through a bathroom door and found a different man who was doing drugs at the time.

Billboards are being prepared to go up in North Carolina, Alabama, Florida, West Virginia and Ohio in the search for them.

Tips have been flooding in to the state of Virginia from various states with the stats being in the 30% range. Easley is 5' 11," 265 pounds. Call the Roanoke County Police Department at 540-562-3265 or the Virginia State Police at 1-800-822-4453 (1-800-VACHILD) or email findbrittany@roanokecountyva.gov immediately if you see him.

AMBER ALERT!

2010-12-07T09:27:00.006-05:00

What kind of person would kill a child's mother, then disappear with her child, just before the most blessed of holidays? Please, Virginia and surrounding states, keep an eye out for this child.

The following article is taken from: http://www.wset.com/Global/story.asp?S=13624203
(6:00 p.m. Monday) Roanoke Co., VA - Virginia State Police have issued an Amber Alert for a Roanoke County girl who was reported missing soon after authorities found her mother dead in her home, the victim of an apparent homicide.
Twelve-year-old Brittany Mae Smith has been missing since Friday, and police say she may be in extreme danger.
Her mother, 41-year old Tina Smith, was found dead in her home in the Glenvar area of Roanoke County Monday morning.
An all-points bulletin is out for Jeffrey Scott Easley, a man police describe as a "friend" of the family. Police also say that there is evidence Easley spent a lot of time at the home, suggesting a possible relationship beyond just friends.
Police showed up to the house on Fort Lewis Circle about 9:30 a.m. Monday morning and found Tina Smith dead. It took police little time to realize that there was much more going on than a homicide.
"We found out pretty quickly that she had a 12-year old daughter who was not at the scene... had not shown up for school. Nobody seemed to know where she was. We're concerned that her disappearance is going to be, at least a good possibility, it has something to do with the homicide," Lt. Chuck Mason with the Roanoke County Police said.
Police say it has been several days since anyone has seen or heard from Brittany, who was seen at the Fort Lewis Circle home.
Brittany has straight brown hair and is a seventh-grader at Glenvar Middle School.
Police were originally looking for Easley's SUV, but that has been recovered.
The focus is now on Tina Smith's missing car. That vehicle is described as a 2005 Silver Dodge Neon with Virginia plates XKF-2365.
---
(4:12 p.m. Monday) Roanoke Co., VA - Roanoke County authorities say they have found the 2000 Chevy Blazer, but still no sign of 12-year-old Brittany Mae Smith or her suspected abductor Jeffrey Scott Easley.
Police now say they may be traveling in a silver, 2005 Dodge Neon (four-door) with Virginia tag XKF-2365. That vehicle belonged to Tina Smith, Brittany's mother. Authorities found Tina dead at a home on Fort Lewis Circle in Salem Monday morning.
State Police issued an Amber Alert for Brittany on Monday afternoon.
Easley is 5' 11," 265 pounds. Call the Roanoke County Police Department at 540-562-3265 or the Virginia State Police at 1-800-822-4453 (1-800-VACHILD) immediately if you see him.
----

Susan Murphy Milano's Journal: Tiffany Hartley: Murder in Mexico and President Ob...

2010-11-20T11:48:00.000-05:00

Susan Murphy Milano's Journal: Tiffany Hartley: Murder in Mexico and President Ob...: "A cold blooded person usually takes their victim and kills in familiar surroundings. Whether it be places where they grew up, vacationed, h..."

Don't Give Up Hope...

2010-11-18T09:46:00.001-05:00

Most children who were separated from their own biological family at any point in their life, for one reason or another, will want to go out and find their blood relatives. I know this to be true because I spent many years trying to find my own, God given parents and siblings. It was an uncontrollable driving force within my entire being. Once I found them, so much of myself came to light and I felt complete as a human being.

I have found a song by Phil Collins that describes how I felt when I first found the ending to my life-time search and how I feel today.

Don't ever give up hope with the separation of family, whether parents searching for their children, or vise-a-versa. Give a listen to the youtube clip below and see how Mr. Collins was so eloquently able to put into lyrics...

Phil Collins-Everything that I am

2010-11-18T09:43:00.000-05:00

Food for Thought...

2010-11-17T18:44:00.003-05:00

There is so very much inspiration in these words along with a tremendous amount of food for thought...

Thank You and..

2010-11-08T12:40:00.001-05:00

I want to take this time to thank everyone that is following my discussions on blogfrog and this blog.

Domestic Violence is a very important issue, not only with making others aware of it in one month span, out of the year, but all year long! This issue doesn't stop, just during the month of October...

With the holiday season fast approaching, Domestic Violence is on the rise, more so, than any other time reported, and especially more now, due to the economic situations. One, out of every three families, will be affected by domestic abuse! Staggering facts, but true ones indeed.

It affects children, teens and adults... What can you do, to help those who really need some help?

Social Services and you reporting it, is not the answer as they have their own hidden agenda's- the government? Forget it!! The answer is, family, friends and other people reaching out to help those who need a helping hand up and not just a hand out, will be the deciding factor in who survives and who doesn't!

We survivors, have been there, done that, don't want to go there ever again, and we want to help those who need our help!! Adopt a family and set the course for a more peaceful society... I'm a fighter- how about you?

HELPFUL HOLIDAY HINTS

2010-11-06T20:09:00.000-04:00

The holiday season is approaching fast, and for some, it becomes one of the most grueling painful sentences of surviving. Not only is the economy, with their soaring prices pushing people's spirits down, but the families who have to endure the holidays without their children, due to various reasons of an insane Social Service system, well... what should be joyous becomes heart-wrenching. So for this, Survivors Holding Tight has put together a small list of HELPFUL HINTS TO SURVIVE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

1.) Don’t get drunk by yourself! This causes you to think and ‘cry in your beer.’ If you do drink, be around others who makes you laugh! This is a must because you need to be around people who will help you keep your mind on other things. You need to socialize.

2.) Don’t be by yourself! Be around others who makes you laugh! Allow yourself to laugh!

3.) Give yourself permission to go out and enjoy what you like to do.

4.) Give yourself permission to enjoy the holiday season regardless of the situation.

5.) If you’re not allowed to be with your children on Thanksgiving or Christmas day, stay out of the kid isles in the stores! Bypass them all together!

6.) If you just can’t get your children out of your mind for awhile each day, sit down and write a letter to them, or make something you know they’d love to have. Get crafty! This also will help during this economic time and give you inspiration for making your own gifts to be given out to others on your gift giving list.

7.) Get outdoors if the weather permits and take along a headset you can listen to while you walk or jog. Choose music that inspires you and avoid music that brings you down with memories. Also, choose new music, not what the kids liked or would like. Take along a camera and capture some beautiful scenery or whatever catches your eye. Allow yourself to be distracted from what is usually on your mind.

8.) Most importantly of all…… PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND GUIDANCE- TO MAKE IT THROUGH YOUR DAYS.

9.) Know you have support here, not only in this blog, but other blogs and friends as well. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.

Blessings to everyone and we here at Survivors Holding Tight will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER

2010-11-02T09:54:00.000-04:00

The funny thing, about parent's intentions and learning how to continue on via gaining a life after their children are taken from them for bogus reasons- for them to keep on living and surviving with HOPE, (especially with hope to explain and change the reason,)- those, (the children,) who have been involved within society's structure- just can't seem to forgive. No matter, what the parent has been through and no matter how much the parent has fought for them. Everything seems to be lost when it comes to eventually getting a hold of them when they're of age, or even communicating with the ones who know and witnessed what the parents went through. By the time this all can come about, the child is usually grown, has their own opinions and become JUDGE and JURY! The parent suffers, twice over.

What do you do? Unfortunately, once a kid is put into the system, the family has to wait until this child becomes of age. They've already been programmed into believing what they have been told all of their life and more than likely, it's something completely against your character.

But, what happens, when a child is a victim of circumstance, is returned to their parent while their siblings are taken because the younger siblings were of, "adoptable age," and the eldest was too old to be adopted out? What if that child holds anger, but will deny this fact? And... what if this child was upset in the fact of the parent speaking out?

They're angry because the parent couldn't keep them together- they're angry because they were too old to be adopted. They forget to see what the parent has been through, how the parent has fought and what makes them the angriest is, the parent has continued, his/her life, just to stay alive and have some sort of, HOPE in the process..

To these kids- trust me, hearts are so broken during the process of Social Services and... due to lies- more often than not. Parents get so tired of dealing with them. Families who have been victimized by the Social Services Department- people have to learn how to contine on- unless the main intention is to watch parents kill themselves.

A Note to you kids, who have witnessed what your parents have gone through- forgive them for thier downfalls- for being human! I bet, you will make many mistakes too. Your parents have fought tooth and nail for you, but it gets hard when you're fighting, "society." It is not to you to be, judge and jury. They have tried- more beyond your comprehention to bring you home. ONCE A CHILD IS IN THE SYSTEM, regardles if they're returned or not, learn to forgive your parent for being a parent. Give them a chance.

For the adult kids- if your mother/father gets a hold of you, don't jusge them, but understand where they come from. Learn to forgive them of their mistakes, and listen to their heart... BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER...

Teens in Transition Part 2

2010-10-29T19:22:00.000-04:00

I remember of a time, when I was a teenager and of the difficulties I had with surviving. You see, my grandparents had, "taken," me, actually, kidnapped me from my own bio-logical family. My grandmother was very abusive... At the age of sixteen, I went out, (hitch-hiking,) to find my own family and was considered as a, "run-away.* Needless to say, I didn't find anyone of my blood until about twelve years ago, but during this process, I learned how to survive and thrive within a community and have the chance of being a respectable citizen.

Anyway, back during the time of the, "hippie movement," and the Viet Nam War, I encountered a group of students from a University in the state where I was at. They had formed and ran a completely functional facility for kids who were considered as, "run-aways." Their agenda was, to help as many kids as they could and they called themselves, "The Yellow Brick Road." They either helped the kid in returning home via, "mending fences," or if circumstances were beyond repair, they helped the teenager grow into adulthood and gain employment via living on their own. If continued education was a factor, they sought grants for the child in question. I know of a few, "run-aways," who completed school in their town and also attended the very same University.

As I look on our teens of now-a-days- they have such a struggle for survival. It can go either way- good or bad. YBR- (Yellow Brick Road,) has such a wonderful success rate in either re-uniting families, or helping with preparing kids to become good and functionally responsible adults in society. I was fortunate enough to encounter this group of students from this college and I'm sure, the others who had encountered them are just as grateful. Maybe, they're like me, fighting for a good change... When I think of YBR- I'm forever indebted to them for their educational value and purposes of life. Teens in Transition is a program I intend to implement while following YBR's guidelines. If it wasn't for this program as a teen myself, I have no clue of where I'd be today.

Please help me in the fact of helping our teens who are in that transitional stage. A lot of them leave home due to the violence that goes on their households, or the lack of caring. Our children are lost, (as I once was,) We need to help them- remember, it's not a hand out, but a hand up!!

Sister of a Sister...

2010-10-23T07:44:00.001-04:00

Last month, I had written an article about one lady I know, who had gone through a terrible abusive marriage, then got the courage up to get out of it after spending time in jail, and is now currently being abused via what is suppose to be, "a just system." She still isn't able to obtain gainful employment...

If you remember this particular article, there was a point of when she was going through the domestic violence, she couldn't turn to anyone, not even her sister, because her sister is also, a victim of marital abuse. Her sister is now in the hospital... It leaves us, (the ones who know her and know of her situation,) questioning whether her husband had something to do with this or not?

A couple of days ago, when she was rushed there via ambulance, it was unclear if she was having a heart attack or a stroke. The doctors did extensive testing on her, but couldn't come to any conclusion that either one of these scenario's was the actual verdict of what was going on with her. Her upper system had gone into violent spasms and would shut down, off and on, for short periods of time. The last update that was relayed is, she's still in the hospital and the doctors are still doing more testing on her as they can't quite figure out what happened.

I want to share a short section from my book, "Graceful Reflections," (one I had written under my pen name of Abigail Lurae,) and let you draw your own conclusion with a hypothetical look at what could have happened to this lady. When I heard the news, this is what came to mind...

**************************************************************************

Candice looked at her audience closely. “Now this is changing the subject
just a little bit but I wanted to share that as of late; flashbacks from a certain
point of time in my life, somewhere from within the past has been weaving it’s
way back into my mind. Why hadn’t I remembered this? It’s a relevant
memory but one I had either blacked out due to the traumatic effect it had on
me or it was a chemically induced memory loss.
“There’s times I remember in my past of sleeping for a week at a time,
why? And there’s times I remember being so very sick—almost deathly
sick… again, why?
“Off and on during the last ten years or so, I kept on remembering a place
where I had worked at. I’d also remember how violently ill I had become one
day while on the job. I went into the office and told them I wasn’t feeling well
and needed to go home, then went out to my car. At that point, I was too sick
to drive so I laid down in the back seat. My stomach began to convulse in
spasms of painful waves while my heart felt like it was blowing up and then
do a huge thud as it deflated. I was so dizzy and felt so weak. I also remember
thinking, someone—please see me here—help me. And I remember thinking
I was going to die.
“After this part of my memory, everything would go blank and I couldn’t
remember anymore until recently. The memories have been coming in bits and
pieces, much like a jigsaw puzzle. Some pieces are missing while others are
falling into place.
“Then one day, I remembered a scent. Almonds! What is this about I
wondered? The smell of almonds. Then it came to me, Leroy had poured a few
drops in my coffee one morning and said he was adding flavor. I tasted it andtold him it tasted awful. He added some sugar and encouraged me to taste it
again. I did—it was not much better but I was running late and needed to get
to work so, I grabbed my coffee and a turkey lunchmeat sandwich he had made
for me. Why was he being so nice, I remembered thinking? Oh well, I
appreciated the kindness as he had always been so mean to me even after he
got out of prison. I went to work—someone had to for he wouldn’t again.
“Out in the parking lot, I emptied the coffee out of my, “to go” cup because
when I burped, there was such a bitter, almost like a rotten almond taste left
behind. I went inside the building, punched in and then fixed another cup of
coffee. That was much better and it was freshly made too. I remember when
the buzzer sounded, I began to work. Just before first break, I began to feel a
little bit nauseated but thought if I ate a little of my sandwich, I’d feel better so,
I began to eat it. It seemed to have a little taste of almond too. But, I thought
maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me because of the nasty coffee I had
earlier. After eating just about half of the sandwich, that’s when I began to feel
really ill.
“Apparently somewhere during the time of lying in the back seat of my car,
I must have realized I needed help. My next memory is driving and the brakes
going completely out in a parking lot. I also remember going into my doctor’s
office but a span of time is missing—then drinking something with charcoal in
it and waking up in a dim lit room that had a window with Venetian blinds. I
remember the doctor telling me I had been poisoned and wanted to send me
to the hospital. I think I must have said, “no,” and that I had to go home. Another
span of time is missing as I can’t remember leaving there.
“I don’t remember how I got home but I do remember not driving due to
the brakes. When I came in, Leroy had a surprised look on his face and asked
me, “you ain’t dead yet?” I now remember saying, “why—should I be?” He
laughed and said he was just joking

“Now, I didn’t fully understand the reason why almonds had anything to do
with poison or my memory so I decided to look up whatever I could find about
poisons with their scents and smells along with symptoms. This is what I
found,” Candice began reading.
“Cyanide has a sweet, sickly almond smell. People who have been
unfortunate enough to come into contact with the poison describe a faint bitter
almond taste in the breath and stomach – a sure sign of cyanide poisoning
(nevertheless there are some people who cannot smell cyanide at all, due to
a genetic trait). However it smells, its actions are brutal and deadly. Symptoms
will be slow to reveal in the case of chronic poisoning, and may include general
weakness, confusion, bizarre behavior, excessive sleepiness, shortness of
breath, dizziness, headache and seizures."

***************************************************************************

There are myths and common knowledge about different poisons. Some will stay in the blood stream and some will dissipate rather quickly and be undetected. When a person is in a domestic violent setting, the possibility of being poisoned can't be ruled out.

TEENS IN TRANSITION

2010-10-17T06:43:00.007-04:00

Once a child reaches the age of 18, they are considered as adults, and can go out into the world on their own- no matter what the conditions are, and regardless, due to parents who either don't care, or other parents who do.

I know of a situation right now, where there are three young men, whom have turned that magical age this year. One young man comes from an abusive home and needed to get away from that type of atmosphere, while trying to continue his education at school. The second young man, comes from a very loving and non-abusive home with parents who do care, but he moved out, just because he could. He is still trying to continue his education and graduate in the Spring. Then the third young man- his father gave him a house, just to get his son out of his hair. He doesn't go to school and he doesn't work. It's unclear at this moment in time, how he spends his days. His father won't help him with anything else...

All three of these boys, live in this house- no electricity, no running water and no means of support to buy their own food, (unless one of them have applied for food stamps this past week.) The two boys who are going to school, can eat twice a day, (breakfast and lunch,) Monday through Friday. On the weekends, they have been going to other friend's home and eating there.

None of these boys have transportation to be able to go out and apply for work. The two who go to school yet, catch the school bus.

Our teens evolving are at risk. They can either go to school and finish it out, while starving, having no electricity, or no running water, while living like hobo's or homeless people. Situations like this can cloud their judgment- they may fall through the cracks, then become the bigger part of living within society's picture- Crime, Abuse and the Drug Scene. All at the communities headache- With looking at this aspect as I write, I can understand their desperation, and why it seems as if crime, drug abuse and even domestic violence is on the rise.

So where do we start?

I'd like to see a program implemented within the communities throughout the nation, to help teens get on their feet- particularly the ones who are continuing their education. I know there are a lot of teens hitting that enticing age of 18, (this year and every year after,) but, I would like to see this program help them up until the age of 20. It won't be giving them a hand out, but a hand up...

Proposals need to be drawn up and taken to places of employment or businesses, with the understanding, these kids come to them and work, as a way of paying them back. It would also help in the aspect of them having a job and potential employment in the future.

Talk to Pastor's at your local churches and even go to someone at the high school who could help you with speaking to the school board and getting more ideas of how to help these kids.

Keep this program as a non-profit organization. The one I'm going to try to start here in my community will be called, "TEENS IN TRANSITION." If we all could get something like this going, just think of how positive the impact will be while possibly bringing about a better future for everyone.

Now it's your turn to bounce ideas back and forth- please reply and get a discussion going on this subject- THEN LET US ALL GO INTO ACTION!

A Hard Crash Course for Survivors

2010-10-10T16:19:00.000-04:00

The heart of a woman is like the depths of the ocean. She may hide and tuck away her true loves, her passions for the honor of; and surviving the fact of her being alive and living on this earth- she may also tuck away the pain- the turmoil she feels from pass transgressions against her, Acceptance for what has happened becomes her friend once she is educated and her spiritual eye is opened.

One thing learned with going through Domestic Violence is learning to deal with patience, while adding to the mix- understanding. It becomes a predominate factor in her everyday exhistance. The answers she seeks are not clearly defined, but in time- it does come to her- PATIENCE- UNDERSTANDING- LIVE- BREATHE- LIFE. With the Understanding and the will-power to go on, she begins to see her own world in a different light.

While she strives to become, just herself, (as others have destroyed what she could have been)- watching her back- being leery of- and not trusting others, she gains strength in becoming a true survivor. She even trusts in the fact of not having friends, but acquaintances along the way. This world has taken on the philosophy of, "dog eat dog," and, "look out for number one," in their attitude- thus, "watch your own back!"

Women, (and I will include men in this,) have to take this measure to gain the strength within themselves, just to cope... But, it can go beyond with educating themselves, as long they're wide-opened to learning the laws of Karma, and the Laws of Exhistance.

This world has kept us down and has filtered to society's thinking. We are programmed to fight/give-in and allow ourselves to deal with what is an everyday, constant battle to stress us out. It is so easy to realize that we are a part of the present, must conform, must deal with society of MAN/MAN'S THINKING. They have left God in the wings of where we truly come from- They've left "HIM" out of all that goes on here on this earth.

Once it is realized, we are a spark of the Good Lord- we're here for a purpose- and we seek what is the most important of knowledge, (our after-life,) then all that is now, doesn't matter.

When you can accept the way it is here on this earth and what your purpose is in this rehelm of going through the motions of life- paying our karmatic debts off- well, it's hard to survive if you haven't reached this higher understanding of your purpose in life.

My compter is giving me problems- life, certainly is giving me a huge headache. Sights from my end are focused on the after-life of where I will be. Let everything from this world fade away- deal with what you must. Learn the ultimate lesson- forgive... Sanity will come to you then...

National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

2010-10-09T15:55:00.000-04:00

October is the National Domestic Violence Awareness month, here in the US. If I could have my way, it would be the National Awareness Month through-out the year.

Domestic Violence is on the rise- not only due to the economic changes, but also, due to the ignorance of people not understanding or acknowledging the problem is there. I have found within my own community, the need to bring this issue into more focus and the issue of making it public.

SPEAK OUT AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!

Let this be heard through-out the year- not just in the month of October.

Society's Victim- Society's Outcast

2010-09-19T12:15:00.001-04:00

This is a short story of someone I know and highly respect. Her attitude is amazing, even with everything she's been through. I've changed her name, to protect her identity. This is a very important subject and one, I think, society should look at in a different light.

****************************

Mandy had been married for a few years to a man who had put the fear of God into her after their first year together. She started drinking with her husband, mostly because he threatened to harm her if she didn't drink with him, and she was tired of being his punching bag. Eventually, she drank by herself, just to escape and, if he beat on her- at least, it didn't hurt as much- until the next day, that is...

She was afraid to leave him, but she was more afraid for her life if she stayed. During the times of trying to figure out which way to go as far as trying to get away from him, she endured many bruises, bloodied lips and black eyes. Eventually, she was hospitalized because he broke her arm and a few of her ribs. She had to lie to the doctor because she knew if she told the truth, she would be hurt worse the next time, (he was sitting right there, acting like the devoted husband whom was filled with sympathetic concern.) She didn't have anyone to turn to as her friends, were his friends. What one of them knew, he would know also. She was afraid to turn to her sister for help because her sister was, and still is, a victim of domestic violence. He continued to make her drink with him, and he also made her be the one to drive their vehicle, simply- because, he was too drunk to drive!

Mandy ended up with a couple of DUI's, (Driving Under the Influence,) along with Public Intoxication, and she landed in jail. He, of course, got a ride home in either a police cruiser, (depending on which cop was on duty,) or a friend was called, and the officer waited with him until his friend showed up to take him home. He never bailed his wife out of jail and he never went to court with her over these charges.

After these couple of times of spending time in jail, Mandy summed up the courage to leave him once she was released and never looked back, but her record is now blemished for quite some time ahead of her.

She's been trying to get a good and decent job, one with benefits of medical, dental, and vision insurance along with better pay. With the places she's applied to, background checks and, "pee tests," are required. She always aces the pee tests, but when it comes to the background check, and since she's had the DUI's and Public Intoxication charges, guilty judgments- well, gainful employment is just a dream for her. She no longer drinks, and hasn't for quite some time now. She's still being courageous with not going back to her, now ex-husband, even though, she still has to watch her back. She has come so very far in her struggle to make a better life for herself.

Not only was she victimized by the one who promised to love and cherish her, but she is currently being victimized by society and their back ground checks.

On a final note- before she has applied to these various places, she has explained to them what might come up on their check and why. They tell her to go ahead and fill out her application. Needless to say, she's never hired...

Mandy is a survivor however- she works at a minimal wage place and accepts what is dealt out to her. She says, "I'm a patient person and I have patience beyond expectation. Eventually, things will get better for me."

Native American 10 Commandments

2010-09-11T21:50:00.000-04:00

When a person becomes a survivor, after all of the hell they endured during their life-time, they come to a quiet place of trying to make sense out of what is right and what is wrong. In their quest of searching for the answers, the answers come simply- not heavy on the heart, (as churches establish.)

The quest of wanting to know the true self- the inner self, brings them back to what had been established long ago during the time of when the Indian Nations reigned. This is their legacy- one of which, we all should follow with simplicity.

Native American 10 Commandments

1.  The Earth is our Mother,
     care for her.

2.  Honor all your relations.

3.  Open your heart and soul
     to the Great Spirit.

4.  All life is sacred; treat all things with respect.

5.  Take from the Earth what is needed and nothing more.

6.  Do what needs to be done for the good of all.

7.  Give constant thanks to the Great Spirit for each new day.

8.  Speak the truth; but only of the good in others.

9.  Follow the rhythms of nature; rise and retire with the sun.

10. Enjoy life's journey, but leave no tracks.

*************************************

It is felt via many- this is the true nature of the 10 Commandments that were set from long ago for us survivors to follow. If we can come to peace with these and ourselves, then all problems will, and can fade away. It is possible to be a happy survivor...

-S.L. Smith

Hitting Home- Discovery Channel Hostages!

2010-09-03T20:27:00.001-04:00

Police: Discovery Channel hostages were ready to make a break for it when gunman was shot

By SARAH BRUMFIELD and KATHLEEN MILLER , Associated Press

SILVER SPRING, Md. - Police had been negotiating with James Jae Lee for several hours and intended to keep him talking for as long as it took to safely resolve the standoff at the Discovery Channel's headquarters. Inside the lobby, Lee's three hostages had no intention of waiting.

As the two Discovery employees and a security guard got ready to make a break for it, officers moving in on Lee heard him shout and then a "pop" that they thought might have been gunfire or a homemade bomb detonating. So they stepped out from behind a wall and shot him dead, ending the drama that unfolded Wednesday at the cable network's complex just north of Washington.

It turned out that Lee was armed with starter pistols, police said Thursday as they revealed new details about the culmination of Lee's yearslong crusade against the Discovery networks, which he faulted in fanatical Web posts for offering programming that promoted overpopulation.

But Lee, 43, was also carrying homemade pipe bombs, one of which went off when he was shot. Capt. Paul Starks of the Montgomery County Police department described the devices as canisters of propane with pipes around them. He said inside the pipes were shotgun shells or pellets.

Authorities found and detonated four more devices Thursday at a home about 3 miles north of the Discovery building. The owner of the house called police and said Lee had stayed there, according to Montgomery County Police Lt. Robert Bolesta.

Investigators were trying to determine whether Lee had a car or a truck.

Authorities had been negotiating for roughly four hours Wednesday afternoon when the tactical team opened fire.

***************************************************************

This story hit home with a lady who works where I work, and who sits in front of me on the line. She told me yesterday, her son, Lane, works for the Discovery Channel and had gone out to lunch with co-workers. One co-worker offered to pay the bill and his card was declined.

During the attempt of all fellow workers, whom were there to help scronge their pockets and pay for the bill, this person had gone into the Discovery Channel Building and started holding people as hostages. She also told me, that if everyone from this particular party of employees, had been just one minute earlier, they all would have been held too.

I told her, God was was looking out after her son and the others of their little lunch party group. To me, how much more intervention does it take for people to realize, there is always a reason why things happen- however, it's not just for us to understand at the time?

God works mysteriously in DV's situations too. If all fails according to our plans, it's just a greater plan from the heaven's above- you just need to accept the signs and go through your day accordingly. -S.L. Smith

"Emily's" New Shoes

2010-08-27T20:22:00.002-04:00

Many, many years ago, a young girl of eighteen years old, married a man who was in his early thirties. They were fairly happy for the duration of the six years their marriage lasted. However, circumstances and personal growth on both parts caused their union to finally crumble and break apart. When they split up as husband and wife, the young girl, who was now a young woman, felt it was best they part as friends, rather than enemies, not only for their sake, but their children's sake as well. They had a son and a daughter.

When they divorced, the judge ordered the husband to pay child support, have visitation every Wednesday evening and every other weekend, he could have the children from Friday evening to Sunday night. This arrangement worked for a couple of months until the young woman lost her job, then eventually her apartment. She had no where to go with the children as she had primary custody of them. Her ex-husband offered her the chance to stay at his place until she could get back on her feet. She agreed, more for the children's benefit than anything else.

One evening, when it was cold and rainy outside, their son became ill, (there had been a virus going around the school he attended.) Being the good and dutiful mother that she tried to be as her children were her life, this young woman went to the pharmacy to get some medication for the vaporizer and some Vick's Vapor Rub to put on his chest to help break up the congestion he was developing.

While she was out, she also decided to exchange the black patent leather shoes her daughter had fallen in love with and had wanted so very badly. When she had bought them, she hadn't realized her daughter's feet had grown to a size larger. After the exchange for a larger size, she thought some ice cream would help her son feel better and be a nice little treat for her daughter- so, one more stop was made at the grocery store.

When she arrived back home and anxious to get her son feeling better plus give her daughter the shoes as she knew now they would fit, the young mother walked into the house. Something was wrong...

Her son was lying quietly on the sofa in the living room and her ex-husband was sitting in the kitchen by the table. Where was her daughter?

"Where's Emily?" she questioned.

He looked down at the floor and slowly replied, "call the police- I killed her."

"What?" she shrieked as the packages fell out of her arms with a thud onto the floor. "No! You couldn't have done that! Where is she?"

"I told you- I killed her... she's in the bedroom on the floor... call the police."

The young woman ran to the bedroom doorway and true to his word, their daughter was lying dead on the floor... she was only four years old...

***********************************

It's been over thirty years since this happened and it's the first time this young woman, who is now an elderly person has spoken about this, except with the exception of a couple of close friends and family members knowing. The pain she felt at that time has stayed with her for all of these years. So much guilt had filled her because her daughter wanted to go to the store with her that night, but the rain was so cold and it was the beginning of the flu season. She thought she was protecting Emily health-wise and- she felt her children were safe with their father.

As to why he did this, she never got an answer from him and he would never say. He went to prison for a period of fifteen years then was released. From what she has heard as she hasn't seen or been in touch with him since this time, he has Alzheimer's Disease and doesn't know or remember anyone or anything.

Emily got her new shoes- she was buried with them on and they fit perfectly...

*******************************

This is a true story, the child mentioned by the name of Emily is a ficticious name. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of this particular family.

The Workplace and Domestic Violence by S.L. Smith

2010-08-17T19:47:00.001-04:00

Usually viewed as a private matter between two adults domestic violence in fact affects all areas of our communities, including the workplace. Employees home lives can affect their performance at work, particularly with an issue like domestic violence. Many abusers attempt to stalk, harass, threaten or injure victims at work. For the victim, actions like these can present barriers to getting and keeping a job and often result in reduced productivity and lost wages. For the employer and co-workers, it can result in increased medical costs, reduced productivity, absenteeism and heightened risks of violence to others.

Not only is domestic violence bad for people, Domestic Violence is bad for business. However, by choosing to proactively address this issue in the workplace, employers can:

•Enhance workplace safety

•Increase employee productivity and morale

•Decrease absenteeism and turnover

•Create a powerful, positive impact in the community

•Implement effective prevention and intervention strategies

As an on-going effort to protect citizens through a rather large company in our community that has over two hundred employees, they have implimented a security program that will be in place as of next week. Details of this program is not for me to say, (as I work for this company,) however, I do believe it will be useful in the matter of helping to save lives that could possibly be in danger within the workplace. It has been discovered that one in ten employees are/or have been, a victim of domestic violence.

More and more companies throughout the United States are/or already have a security program along with an intricate security system in place.

I just pray, programs such as what we're about to take on at our work, won't give the victims a false sense of security and they forget to watch their backs once they step outside the factory doors at the end of their shift...

When Our Babies Are No Longer Babies…

2010-08-04T18:39:00.000-04:00

We raise our babies so that they will grow up to be adults of faith, honesty, respect and wisdom that they have learned from little on up. We pour our love and soul into our children so that they will know how to treat another human being with the utmost respect; starting with their parents.

Our children get into their teens, and it is like a switch goes on. The peer pressure sets in and the signs of hatred and depression can be seen... some even get physically abusive to the ones they love the most.

We, as parents, right away feel like it is our fault and end up taking the blunt end of much our teenager and/or adult child’s anger. They take out the anger they are holding in, on us because, they feel we are their safe zone. We as parents, want to continue to nurture them. We want to understand them. But most of all in the back of our minds, we are still blaming ourselves and wondering where we went wrong. If you are a parent that has made your children your world and been there for them, you are not at fault. We, as parents can only do so much. If we continue to give and give, then our children, no matter what age they are, will continue to take and take and not learn for themselves.

Our children can be raised in a most Conservative Christian home, or a very dysfunctional one, and have the same outlook on life, no matter what the parents have tried to instill into them. They most likely will get to the point of no return. They break your heart, you spend time crying and worrying about them and most of all you continue to love them. It adds stress to our lives, not only the pain we are going through as parents, but seeing our children no matter what age they are, destruct themselves.

I write this knowing many of us as parents go through this. I, myself, have went through one of my children dropping out of high school only a few months from graduation. She then travelled into the world of drugs and became addicted to meth. I was devastated. I felt I had failed her as a parent. I continued to watch her go downhill and there was no way of stopping her. She was thrilled with her new life. I sat day in, and day out, crying and praying for a miracle. She continued in her world of meth and brought three children into her world. I continued to blame myself. What could I have done different? Why did she not listen to me about drugs and what they can do to you? Many more questions ran through my mind and tore at my heart. I was the one that became depressed, and could not focus on other things that are important in my life too.

Then through prayer and knowing God loved us both, the reality came that this was not my fault. We raise our children to be of good spirit, loving and giving. We teach them right from wrong. It is up to them to accept the teachings from us. Otherwise, they will make their own mistakes and while doing so, we as parents have to pray that they learn by them. They have to face the consequences of the decisions they make.

My prayer is for the parents that are going through this now, or even in the past, that they realize that they can only do so much. They are not parents that have failed especially when your children are your world.

This verse has much meaning to me. Not just as a parent but as a person. I fall back on this verse many times for many different things in my life.

“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deut. 31:6 (NKJV)

Blessings,

Gee Lucero

SURVIVORS: BE AWARE!

2010-07-26T09:05:00.004-04:00

Someone who invades your privacy and then tries to impersonate you, reminds me of an abuser, (and, in all actuality, they ARE an abuser,)- just like, the one who wanted to control your life. All of my friends who truly knows me, know, without a doubt- that I was hacked via a SCUM-BAG HACKER!! Survivors! BEWARE!! Is Abby mad? You can bet your bottom dollar she is!

As of right now, (and a personal message to this low-lifer,) this hacker who invaded my privacy, had better beware! I've been through hell- walked through it- then came back again to the other side of where I belong. I've dealt with the devil, himself!! It has made me into the stronger person, that I am, today! I will have you nailed to the wall!! This is something you can take to the bank and not on the sympathy of the victims whom you enticed to believe, it was me! Your time is coming!!!

I feel the need to let my readers know and also my email contacts, I am deathly afraid of airplanes and boats. I like my feet to be firmly planted on the ground- I will never leave my country and I NEVER ask anyone for money!! I have my scruples, you know? According to this idiot's request, I was suppose to have been in another country and stranded! Not this old gal as I won't leave U.S. soil!! As of yesterday, (when I was finally able to access my email account, I deleted it.) This person can no longer play their game from what was rightfully mine.

Another lesson learned in the fact of, "control." Since going through this and being in contact with the sites of which my accounts were compromised, I have learned a few things.

1.) Always log out of whatever site you visit.
2.) Clean your browser history.
3.) If you have access to locking your firewall down, do so when you log out for the night.
4.) Be very selective of whom you accept as friends on any site.
5.) Don't trust anyone whom you don't really know and accept as friend.
6.) DON'T DISPLAY YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS FOR CONTACT PURPOSES!!!! With this, so much information can be gained.
7.) Change your passwords to all sites frequently.

A hacker is an abuser- they want to take control-- they want to take advantage of you... Please take pre-cautionary measures. Be cautious and be safe on the Internet...

UPDATE ON COMPROMISED!

2010-07-24T09:44:00.001-04:00

Dear friends,

I did momentarily, have access to my email address, and was able to send out a message to all of my friends about the contents of a scam letter that a hacker had sent from my account. I do believe, this made this person or persons very angry, thus he, she or they hacked my account again, and I can no longer get into it.

Once again, I've contacted the proper officials and when all is done and over with, my abigaillurae addy will no longer exist!

The old devil has tried desperately to take over my life and steal my identity, but, this old gal don't give up so easily! Their time will come and all ill-willed actions with catch up with them.

Blessings my friends,
-Abby

COMPROMISED!

2010-07-22T04:44:00.000-04:00

MY DEAR FRIENDS-

SOMEONE THOUGHT THEY WOULD DECIDE TO PLAY THEIR DEVILISH GAMES AND HAVE HACKED INTO MY EMAIL AND FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. I'M UNABLE TO GET INTO EITHER ONE RIGHT NOW. I HAVE NOTIFIED THE APPROPRIATE PEOPLE- HOPEFULLY, ALL CAN BE RESTORED.

IN THE MEANTIME, PLEASE LEAVE ME COMMENT BELOW IF YOU WOULD LIKE FOR ME TO ADD YOU TO A NEW FACEBOOK PAGE I'VE CREATED. I WILL TRY TO GET BACK WITH YOU ASAP- (after I get home from work.)

ON A HAPPIER NOTE- MY GRAND DAUGHTER WAS FINALLY BORN LAST NIGHT AT 10:49! CONGRATULATIONS GOES TO MY DAUGHTER CHRISSY AND THE BABY'S FATHER, CHRISTOPHER!

LOVE AND BLESSINGS,

-ABBY

Dancing by Myself

2010-07-16T18:52:00.001-04:00

My name is Tauheedah and my comments are thoughts and excerpts from my book Dancing By Myself. Before I begin posting from my book, I would like to share my thoughts on some of the effects that Domestic Violence and Child Abuse have on adults who suffered these abuses when they were children. I have 9 children who have all suffered from DV/CA in some form. I was 14 when I gave birth to my first son, then I married the same type of dominant, aggressive, abusive men 3 times. Hence a boy and girl twins out of my first marriage, 3 sons out of the second and then 2 more sons and my second daughter out of the last marriage.
My oldest daughter and I were both abused and raped by my 3rd ex-husband (her stepfather) while some of my older sons were sodomised and tortured by him. The 3 youngest children were his; so they escaped the physical beatings he gave to my other children. By the time my oldest child was 16 I sent him to Illinois to live with his biological dad after a big argument caused the two of them to jump in each other's face. I knew my 16 year old would try to fight him but would not win against a grown assed, violent man. His father stepped up to the plate and took him in. Our youngest daughter was only 1 & 1/2 years old when her sister (14 at the time) discovered him fondling the baby through her diaper! She panicked and made plans to run away with the baby to "spare" her the abuse that she was sure was to come, now.
Well, all hell broke loose when we finally went before a judge ( over a year later as I plotted our escape) and I found out all the damage that had been done to my kids while I was at work. The beatings with rods, coat hangers, shoes, pots, belt buckles and other items he used to declare himself the King.
Today my children are thriving in their own rights. They suffer from a variety of problems such as PTSS, severe mental illness, depression, anxiety, ADHD, anger and obesity issues. Some of them have accepted help and live pretty good lives while two of them have been incarcerated in prison for anger and assault. I have one son still in prison serving time for assault and battery and ironically he was the one who suffered the severest beatings and misuse by his stepfather. He is SMI, ADHD, PTSS and anger ridden while needing medical help for his disabilities wherein jail will not improve his conditions; only allowing me to know where he is residing at instead of worrying that he 's lying in a gutter hurt or dead somewhere on the street.
I will begin to blog about our story soon... Thanks for caring.

Does Abuse Stem from the Church?

2010-07-16T17:25:00.001-04:00

I received a comment on here from someone whom I think is wonderful and worthy of this being posted, as she brought up an interesting point of view, one I really haven’t given much thought to, as far as writing about it anyway. I want to share her thoughts and my reply as I know she is absolutely correct in the thinking of what divides family and, “church,” along with the abusive nature of it. My reply indicates the very beginning of how this all came to be. Judge for yourself…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Abigail,
I keep thinking there is hope. Surely, if dv murders have decreased since the 1970's we can also find a way to decrease all of dv, and eventually stop it.

I am convinced that if Christians could be convinced that husband authority is non-scriptural and wrong, that the pressure from Christians to keep women down would not only lift, it would change into helping women up.

To try to make a difference, I wrote a novel "Behind the Hedge," that shows the more subtle forms of abuse in action. On July 24 I am to speak at the Seneca Falls 2 conference in Orlando FL, which is aimed at finding solutions to be effective at stopping gender-inequality in the Christian community. see www.senecafalls2.com

I have no idea where you stand religiously. But I do have a request. The Christians I am trying to convince will never reach out to non-conservative Christians or secular people, yet the conservative Christians are a fairly large group who would be a force to be reckoned with if we could convince them that women are equal and to be treated well. I am asking people of a non-Christian background to consider educating themselves as to the scriptural beliefs of the Christian right regarding gender roles.

I, myself, was of that group at one time, and folks who just dismissed what I believed, or who acted as if they knew what I believed better than I did were such a turn-off and so unhelpful. I think if folks who are not of the Christian right make an effort to befriend women who are imprisoned by the domineering Christian right, that we can better help them get free. As more women of that group are respectfully taught (a thimbleful at a time) what those scriptural passages that they think imprison them actually say/mean, I think we can make huge strides against dv.

When a friend (from the conservative right) of mine was in college, she found out that views that she had, or some variation of them, were also in society. And that is especially so in the devaluing of women. When I facilitated the men's group for the batterers education program, I found that many secular men had the same beliefs that christian men do regarding women. I get the impression that the growing teaching of husband authority in conservative Christian groups is influencing society and greatly contributes to causing domestic violence to increase.

If you want to educate yourself as I suggested, try my blog, http://submissiontyranny.blogspot.com, and check out the blogs on my blog-roll.

Thanks for "listening!"

~Waneta Dawn, author of "Behind the Hedge" see www.wanetadawn.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Waneta,

This is such an interesting topic for me as my beliefs are so much different than others. Yes, I am of a spiritual being- no label attached as to whether Christian, Baptist, Catholic, etc… Organized faith and religion is completely out of the question for me. I see too much bureaucracy and hypocrisy within these structures- thus to me, this is a huge downfall of the world’s population- holy wars…

Yes, I was raised up in a, “Christian” home, with “The First Church of Christ” being our meeting place about four times a week- I even graduated from a “Christian” high school. However, religion was beaten into me via my grandmother, (my grandparents raised me.) Maybe this is the reason why I shun organized faith and sought to find another way back to God.

This I have accomplished. Our bodies are the temples of God and I have sought “His” council and guidance through my spiritual connection to “Him.” Men and women are of equal worth before God, since both are created in God's image. I believe God is not gender based- the male and female qualities, as we know them, are part of what God’s make up is. Our souls are just a spark of this phenomenal entity.

When it comes to the Bible- I believe a lot of the basic teachings and lessons are true, however, there have been many, upon many translations throughout the years. I believe there has been a gender based biasness as to whom the dominate figures were- man… Awhile back, I had either watched, or read something about how there were many books of the Biblical testaments that were written by women, but were left out of the Bible. Man didn’t want the world to know that they were equal in the creation of it. They even left a lot of Mary, (Jesus’ mother,) out other than her giving birth to Him and when He was crucified. The translators thought this was of equal basis just with the mentions. Books such as Ruth and Ester- this was also for an equality measure, however, these books were written by men. I also have seen contradiction within the pages. One example, “thou shalt not kill.” Then further on after the 10 commandments were established, there was still war- killing of each other and nations.

God is of light, love and positive energy. Any act of pain, suffering and darkness is due to evil and sin. That is the other entity that sways even those who deem themselves worthy and good- with a structured and organized label.

Thank you for your comment on my blog. Yes, I agree with you about these religious based beliefs. If we could get a lot of this out of the, “churches,” maybe society would have a better chance at survival.

Blessings,
-Abby

I would love to get a discussion going on this. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Life Behind the Razor Blade- Part Two- By Jamiey Smith

2010-07-11T08:16:00.002-04:00

It’s been four years.. Four years since, (or at least it’s felt like that long,) I last saw HIM. Four years of no talking to him- hah! I will be a sophomore in high school now. Seriously… Who ever said that High School is the last best four years of your school life is a serious idiot.. Because my 9th grade year was holy living crap!

On the first day of high school, I had friend’s, a smile on my face, and a NEW best guy friend. His name was Adam. He was everything I ever wanted in a guy friend, cute, smart, funny, sweet etc, etc…

I breathed in fresh air when I stepped off the bus. “Welcome to High School”, is what went through my mind. I adjusted my ancient backpack on my shoulder and walked my way to my homeroom. I sighed wearily and searched the front of the campus for my friends. “No sign of them,” I mumbled under my breath. Good that was just what I had wanted. I started to take a few steps then I came right to a halt.

My breath caught in my throat and I couldn’t breath. The one person I dreaded to see… “Stephen,” I said quietly to myself, my eyes filled with unimaginable hurt. All the things he had put me through flashed through my mind in a millisecond. There he was, standing with a few of the girls I knew from 7th grade.

He looked at me, and I could tell he was surprised. I looked away as I felt electricity spark between him and I. I knew he could feel it too, because I noticed his form cringed. All I wanted to do was run into his arms, beg him to take me back- I still loved him that much, until a person blocked my view. “JAMIEY!” She threw herself on me with a big hug, It was Heather. I snapped from my daze and looked at her.
“Hi H-Heather” I said softly and glanced at Stephen as she took my arm and led me away, yet, she didn’t know about him. I didn’t bother to tell her. I mean she was like my sister, but I didn’t care to tell her the one secret only a few people know. It wasn’t any of her business until she saw me looking at him “Oh? Whose the boy, hmm?” I averted my gaze and sighed. “He’s just someone who I know. He’s my brother’s friend,” I said while linking my arm through hers, walking with her to her homeroom and I said my good byes. I set search for the one person I longed to get in contact with, Stephen.

I walked casually up to the group of students where Steven was and they all recognized me immediately. “JAMIEY!!” Mary and Darien said unison, I smiled weakly, (which I was still working on with trying to form it,) and turned towards Stephen, my eyes filled with regret and hurt. “H-Hi S-Stephen,” I said with a bit of a stutter.

I was shaking. If I wasn’t wearing my famous trademark-black pants- anyone would of seen myself shaking. I tried to control my hands the best I could, and by that, I mean, stick them in my jacket pockets.

It was one of our hot and humid mornings and I wore the jacket because I had cuts on my arms. I can tell you one thing, I was beginning to sweat and I wanted to take it off, but I couldn’t. I cursed silently to myself for cutting my wrists and arms the night before. So there were still angry red marks visible. Though my cover up make up wasn’t working, it was melting off.

“Jamiey,” his raspy voice sounded through my ears and I almost cringed. “How have you…been?” he asked me as I looked into those midnight black irises.

“I…I don’t know actually. It’s been a long two years Stephen.”

He smiled that sickly sweet smile. “Too long puppet, too long,” he whispered.

That alone made me shiver. I looked around and Darien and Mary were no where to be seen. Kimmy and Courtney left to go say hi to Dallas and Harley. “Uh.. I should go,” I said quickly and began to walk away from him. He grabbed my arm, the ones with the cuts. I winced with pain. He took note of my reaction and he also took note about how they started to bleed through the material, forming small dark spots. Slowly he lifted my sleeve back. “You still cut?” he asked. I nodded. “For how long?” I didn’t answer for a moment and turned my face away from him. “Two years,” I said softly. He pulled me into a hug. I gasped, remembering how he smelled. I hugged him back, holding onto him for he felt like my life line.

Part Three is in the works...

OUR TEAM OF WRITERS

2010-07-08T07:34:00.005-04:00

I'm very happy to announce, we now have a wonderful team of writers. Let me introduce them... WELCOME LADIES!!

Gee Lucero

Jamiey Smith

Tauheedah Jabaar

Rae Luskin

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHEN WILL IT STOP? By Gee Lucero

2010-07-08T07:04:00.000-04:00

Domestic violence continues throughout the United States along with other countries. Many children are left without their parents due to the pain and sometimes death that is caused by domestic violence.
Many people wonder if domestic violence along with other abuses that cause just not the physical pain but the emotional trauma that comes with it. A lot of women will not cry out for help for fear for themselves and most of the time for their children.

Domestic violence goes clear into another form of abuse, which is child abuse. Children are being abused because the parents are using drugs, do not have employment or are in depression and get to the point they do not care. They take it out on the ones they are supposed to love and nurture.
Getting into a relationship many times you do not know that person, as well as you might think you do. If you take the time to meet your partner’s parents and see how they are together you can tell if there is real love there. Are they in love? Still what says what goes on behind closed doors? You have to go on faith, affection, trust and believing in one another. Keep any and all violence and abuse out of your home for your whole family.

Will Domestic Violence Ever Stop? Most likely not...but we can all try harder to keep our home a safe haven for ourselves and for our children. Don’t be afraid to intervene by calling for help if you see abuse happening out your home. If you are a victim, as I write this I beg you to “Get Out”. The abuse will continue regardless if you have been told over and over that they are sorry or that it will not happen again. It will happen again and it can continue until you are no longer apart of this world. If you have children think of the emotional trauma they are going through because their parent is afraid to get free of the abuse they are dealing with.
Open your eyes…Save yourself and save your children. There is help out there. You are never alone.

"You've Made Your Bed..."

2010-07-07T12:30:00.001-04:00

Our fight against Domestic Violence is a long and hard struggle for all concerned. Whether it be violence against women, violence against men, or violence against children, it's all WRONG! Beating on someone just to show who's the biggest and baddest or mentally tormenting, verbally assaulting, or emotionally destroying another person while being in the driver's seat of controlling someone- that too, is also, so very, very WRONG!

The worst kind of abuse I have discovered, (even since leaving my abuser many years ago,) is the encounter of others whom have had such a closed mind, superior attitude and the stamina of something my grandmother always said, "you made your bed, now you just lie in it!" They either lack the ability of understanding or just plainly refuse to acknowledge something like this issue occurs. Along those same lines, others have questioned and told me, "sure! You may have come from an abusive past, now why in the hell, don't you just let it go? Why is it necessary to continually talk about it? If it were me, I wouldn't be proud to let anyone else know what I have been through..." These very same people have called me, "a stupid bitch," or at worst, and in the same breath have said, "you must seek pleasure in what your ex had done to you and miss it! You miss getting beat on, don't you?"

My reply to this is, "I'm here on this earth to help others, whether it be by what had happened to me, or why I was allowed to go through what I went through. I'm not proud of what happened to me! In all actuality, I envy those who had a wonderful childhood and a loving relationship for many, many years. God gave me the privilege of having the loving relationship now, so I understand this aspect. I'm NOT a stupid bitch and hell no! I don't miss being beat on!" Then I've asked, "what is your problem?"

Truthfully, I could never get a straight answer from these people other than, "well, if I heard someone talking about something like this, I'd tell them to get over it and get over themselves! You really need to stop being an advocate- it's shameful!! I thought you were better than this!!!"

*Sigh* Such are the thoughts and opinions of the closed minded people- the ones where I have seen their abusive need to control, dominate, and persecute those who don't share their opinions. To me, they are the worst kind of abusers, especially when they put us down, the ones who have been there, done that and just want to help the many, upon many victims... Who knows and who's to say, maybe they had some sort of abuse occur in their lives also?

I know, personally, it bothers me when all I do is say what I stand up for and who I will fight for- then these small minded people try to cut me down for what I believe in. I want to make a change- a difference. I fight for the victims- I want to educate adults and educate children to help stop this vicious cycle. It needs to stop- it has to STOP! Maybe once it does, we all, plus our future generations could live in peace and harmony instead of waiting for the world to end...

I have many more thoughts, but for right now- and I'm not one to call anyone names, but, these jerks need to be educated, and learn, (not chew the paper then spit it out,) also they need to grow the hell up!!! -Abby

Update from Gee's, "Dear Abby"....

2010-07-07T06:43:00.000-04:00

Abby,
We did find out unless laws change we will not see our grandbabies until they are 18 as most states have the termination law once an adoption is in place. So our rights have been terminated unless she will agree on us seeing them and being in contact with them. So prayers please.... Gee

Patrick Stewart on violence against women

2010-07-04T10:55:00.000-04:00

Domestic violence

2010-07-04T09:58:00.000-04:00

It Took a Long Time-

2010-06-23T10:34:00.000-04:00

Sheri Lynn Davis, 40, had an arrest warrant and was arrested on a charge of misdemeanor criminal conduct since March.

Jamie’s House, Charter School science teacher gave $ 1,000 bail Wednesday, one day after the video of her appearance of kicking and slapping a 13-year-old.

The boy, whose name is Isaiah Johnson said, he watched a video of a person suffering from mental dance and laugh at him, when the physical education teacher started the fight. She sought him out after trying to un-nerve herself from a previous fight in the hallway with other students, and did the assumption measure, that he was harassing another student, putting a racial twist on her excuse of, “the student was white.”

What does it matter, if a student is black or white, or even purple, if you are a teacher?

In the meantime, I would like to know, along with many other parents, why did it take the law so very long to charge her with anything, and not charge her with, child abuse and endangerment right off the bat? How many other parents have been charged with a charge of misdemeanor criminal conduct? None, that I know of! .

So many parents have lost their children for a LOT less than this teacher displayed towards her student, and it leaves me to wonder, how does she treat her own children? In the video of where she attacked Isaiah- as she was “winding up,” she had time to think while she wiggled like a cat, ready to pounce, and then when she did, she was vicious in her actions! Are teachers, or anyone else whom has some sort of a degree in working with our children, excused from their own individual actions, and… the parents, who know and live with their children are not? Parents live with them, 24/7. Teacher’s? Possibly 7 hrs., per day, 5 days a week, unless there are days off from school, (which seems as if they invent and have a holiday for anything!) Are the ones whom deal with our children, excused for their actions in less hours of being with our children, in a day’s time as opposed to the parents whom are there all of the time? If they come up with the excuse of, “work stress,” or “work related,” WRONG!!!! Poor excuse!!! Families are stressed due to work related issues daily, but they don’t take it out on their families. Teachers are stressed and it’s okay for them let their frustrations out on one or more of their students, without repercussions? WRONG again!!!

I’m not one who seeks pleasure from seeing and hearing of another person’s arrest for what they’ve done to a child, but I am one whom will stand up for the others whom have had their loved ones taken from them for unjust and undue causes.

Please check out the video below, "Beating Caught on Tape."

Beating Caught on Tape: Teacher Speaks

2010-06-23T10:33:00.001-04:00

Life Behind the Razor Blade

2010-06-18T21:43:00.000-04:00

Part 1 by Jamiey-Marie

Cutting, Mental, Emotional, Physical abuse, Isolation from ones- self and others. What are all of these things? How do we understand them? How do we know if that person is going through something terrible, if they don’t speak out?

Hello, my name is Jamiey-Marie . I am a 16 year old female, and I am a 4 year Domestic Violence survivor. My story is unlike any story I’ve ever heard in my 4 years of recovery. Because no one has gone through something like I have. I am not saying my situation was worse then anyone’s.

My situation was...Unique. My story... Is amazingly shocking to know that someone, like I, would of gone through something like this. My personality doesn’t show I’ve been through hell in the past 4 years.

4 years ago. In the month of November, it was during Thanksgiving break. My brother had invited a friend over. His name was Stephen pronounced “Steven.” Tall, Midnight Black eyes, dark chocolate brown hair. He looked so innocent. Like he couldn’t hurt a fly… or another human being. Now that was my mistake. I misjudged him on that little element.

We started out with a silent smile, a wave and eye contact. He drew me to him. I was mesmerized by his eyes- those deep dark pools of lifelessness… it made me feel….. sad. Like I just wanted to go and help him. But I couldn’t just go up to him and say “your eyes seem lifeless, is there anything I can do to help you?” That would show I am nosey, and I didn’t want to pass myself off as that kind of person.

Even though he and I became friends immediately, we had so much in common. From music choices, to art, to how we saw the world. I could tell he was SO unique. Later that night when I had to retire to bed, he lent me his spare Nintendo Ds so we could continue to talk without myself getting into trouble. Since it was past midnight and my father had just gotten onto me about “bothering the boys,” and “staying up too late.” Stephen and I talked for a couple hours up until my brother was fast asleep. We flirted a little. I unknowing was drawn to him even more.

Right down to the point when he said, “I like girls who are sophisticated and pretty looking,” that really reeled me in and the fact I had unknowingly formed a crush on him.

We all went for a walk the same morning when he and I only got about 6 hours of sleep. By all- I mean, My brother, him and I. When we rested on a hill for a bit and went back to the house, I made some tea to warm us up. About 10 minutes later, we all went back to the hill to sit out there.

I spent some time by myself to think over everything he had said to me, then he said the most horrible words, “Man Jamiey, I can’t have you as my girlfriend.” My eyes watered up and I walked away to try to calm down, I remember him watching me. I felt his eyes wander over my silhouette as I walked to the edge of the hill.

Hearing him call my name and call after me put a pang of hurt into my stomach, but I didn’t care. I wanted the nightmare to end. Sitting down, I left about 50 Ft. of distance between him, Jesse and I- about 20 minutes later I heard his foot steps. The grass crunched under him as he sat down next to me.

“Jamiey?” his voice rang through my ears. I didn’t respond. “Jamiey please speak to me,” he said again. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t dare look into his eyes. I’d be lost in them. I said one syllable, “what?” in the coldest voice I had. Colder then the day itself. I could tell he cringed as I shivered from the cold, and he scooted closer to me. “I’m sorry” he said softly. His voice was almost upsetting. “Good” I thought to myself. He deserved it. His arm wrapped around me in a hug. Then he said more. “It’s not that I don’t want you to be my girlfriend. There is just a lot to understand, Jamiey, and it’s…Complicated.” I sighed, and he did the same. We both became closer friends that unfaithful day, but what I was unaware of, was the future that was to come.

3-months later. I sat there staring at the computer screen. I had been talking to Stephen for 3 months. He started to tell me EVERYTHING about him. Down to the darkest secrets he harbored in his heart. We knew everything about each other and didn’t dare tell a soul about our secrets. He was unaware that I had fallen in love with him. Or if he did, he didn’t tell me. Perhaps he didn’t care or he felt the same and didn’t admit it.

The secrets he shared scared me. Frightened me. But I kept them. He had controlled me. Turned me against myself. Turned me against the world. Against anyone but him. I was his puppet. His little doll for his enjoyment.

So to say if he got “bored” he would “toy” with me for his amusement.

He even told me the sentence, “your life only matters if I say it matters.” I believed it.

“She was his puppet, he was her master. What the truest recipe for disaster, so to say, he would play and never got bored.” The poem he always recited to me when I wanted to stop being his friend.

Out of everything he had done, I had started isolating myself from others, I even started experimenting with cutting myself, smoking cigarettes, listening to dangerously exotic music (meaning heavy metal, death metal and black metal,) wearing black, gothic, emo, and truly being unhappy. My friends really started to worry cuz I would cut in front of them and I wouldn’t care. I stopped talking, stopped eating. Stephen was the only person I would talk to, but every time I looked at him, I could see the enjoyment of making me suffer in his eyes. I wanted to cry because I was finally seeing what I had become. Cutting, Smoking, shaking off everyone that tried to help me It was really hurtful.

I felt so bad. I had dropped my friends for one person. I knew there was no way of regaining them back. Finally one day when my friends had enough of everything, they went to see the councilor behind my back.

I was called into the office and given help forcibly. I felt crushed and betrayed that they would do that. But it was for the better. I was eventually forced to tell my mother everything and she told my brother, Stephen was never allowed back over to our house.

I was also told, not to talk to him, to stay away from him. It was hard. I wanted to talk to him so bad, but not after what I had been through. What made it worse, was that over all, my mother didn’t understand why I had cut myself. I had explained to her. It was a feeling of release. The pain in your arms takes away from the pain in your heart.

Dear Abby-

2010-05-30T19:40:00.000-04:00

My world has been flipped upside down, as I am sure you was able to read between the lines. Since my trip to Oregon July 2009 for my 30th Class Reunion (yikes) and also seeing Kaden and Tay. We have had maybe 3 calls from them and every time I called, the grandmother would not answer. Well, the adoption went through, I think in March and she left OR the day after to move to SC. It was still considered an ID adoption as the state of Idaho was supporting them. Anyway, it states in the adoption process you cannot leave the state for 6 months after an adoption. I had emailed her over and over saying I wanted to send some things to the children and needed an address. She would tell me she did not have one. Finally it was after Tay's birthday in March and I told her I wanted to get these things to the kids not only for Tay's birthday but Easter as well. I got an address. I got no response that they got the package except seen pictures on Facebook with the clothes on them I bought. To be honest all I see them in is clothes that I bought. Even the pictures she sent over today. She removed me from her facebook but left it public so all can see pictures. Well a couple I cannot and will not put on there as Kaden had his head shaved and he is the bath tub with one of his cousins and Mike and I believe we are seeing something that we should not be seeing on the Internet let alone our grandson. I have saved the pics to blow them up some to see for sure.

But before all this she emailed me yesterday and told me she does not have to tell me when she receives a box from us and she does not even have to tell the children it is from us. Also, that if I was sending things to make points it was not working so I did not need to keep a tallying score. I have asked to speak to them and she said they do not need turmoil in their lives and that the state took them from us because we were unstable an unsafe environment. Well, if that is so then they would have not only took them but they would have taken their 1/2 brother Brezy, whom we adopted from the state and also my 11 year old son Cole. We were told when they took them that they were not going to allow us to adopt all three because of my RA. It would be too much for me to handle. Well, I had gotten through the tough part 3 babies plus a foster son that came to us at 2, nine months before we got Tay.. So we had 4 in diapers, 2 meth babies, 1 born addicted (Tay) 2 fetal alcohol babies Kaden and Brezden. Our foster son was born with his insides on his outside so he was delicate to take care of. He went home to his birth mom in April 2007. We are still in contact with his bio-mom and have him off and on for a weekend. Brezy lost his brother and sister. He was talking and walking when they left. He quit talking 3 days after they left. Tay was his roll model. Now he has severe issues and on an IEP and attends many therapies and Dev Preschool. Out for the summer but he is in a DT program.

She told me she would never keep us from the children and even if they moved to SC, which she did that we would make arrangements to share them throughout the year and work around their school schedules when need be. Well, she has informed me she does not think it is wise for us to see them as we failed them just like their biological parents and they need parents that have unconditional love for them and we do not have it. So we are not allowed to see them until they are 18. Kaden will be 6 in December and Tay will be 5 in March. That is a bit of a wait.

This finally ate at me and not until my husband broke down and cried last night(which the man does not cry). I said enough is enough and I am going to be heard. I was up until 2 am this morning reading laws and such and in Idaho it states if it is an adoption case all rights for grandparents etc are terminated UNLESS the grandparents had a significant part in the child (ren's) lives.

I am still trying to locate an attorney that works with cases like these and I know they are out there. I think our case goes clear back to when they were all on the Adoption Home Study and we passed and then all of a sudden got one of the three and they separated siblings. Who cares if they had different father's they were altogether since infancy. Kaden came to us at 5 weeks old. Tay once they could no longer flush her system I went with a social worker to the hodpital and took my grandaughter out of my daughters arms. Something the social worker was to do at 3 days old.. Brezden came to us with 2 social workers at our door along with 5 police cars. Guess his bio dad threatened the social workers. He was 3 days old.

Our Governor here in Idaho is a grandfather. He just passed a law on grandparental rights but I have to find out where we stand there. If it is not where we need to stand then I will fight tooth and nail to get this law changed as well. I may not see them until they are 18 but other grandparents may be able to see theirs with me being proactive. There is a grandparents support group but these ones are raising their grandchildren.

Abby, I am not asking for the children back and I do believe that is what the grandmother is afraid of. I just want to be Gamma. She dislikes it that Tay still calls me Mama but that is what I was to them. All foster kids called me Mama or Mama Gee. Mike was always Papa.

I will never get a chance to hug them, hold them, read them a book or watch a movie and pop popcorn with them. Or most of all fix Tay's hair as she was always our Princess Taylor. Kaden was Mike's Little Warrior. Kaden has aspbergers and they are ignoring it. Tay likes all medications. Does not matter what kind they are. (due to the meth addiction). I have a mother dying soon of lung cancer and she will not see her great gradbabies again before she passes. THIS IS SO UNFAIR!

She told me we were unstable. Well we stayed in one place with them the whole time with us. They said we were unsafe. Go figure. She has moved 5 times in less than 2 years and also lived where rattlesnakes sat on her back porch by the door. Also Tay was out in the yard and sat on a garden snake and her grandmother laughed about it. So that is safe environment?

I am hot right now and I not only want to see rights changed for Mike and I and Brezy too but also for all the grandparents out there that deserve to see their grandchildren. I can understand if it is high risk for endangerment just like how it goes with some marriages that end in divorce and it is not best for the children to see their father or mother.

I did not expect to get the support I have received through emails and facebook. I am not looking for a "Poor Glenda" drama. I am looking for ones that will stand up with me and fight not only the judicial system that has caused so much pain but also the people in the children's life that really are doing more harm than good.

I also look at the fact that the children are loved there and they are doing well. I praise her for that but still they are also my grandchildren and I should be able to be apart of their lives.

Well, I hope you can understand what I have written. I am a bit on the rumble right now. I am open to any suggestions. I will be calling around for attorneys that are not afraid to take on any visitation rights for the grandparents. Might take me a few hours to find one. I know I will.

Keep us in prayer. I feel sad for my husband. I have seen him cry maybe 3 times in 15 years. I have two boxes full of pictures of the babies and many cd's. I am a grandma unstable and unsafe???Yeah right! I think someone is scared and overly jealous.

Thank you for your support,

I am going to see where I get with an attorney and if nowhere I am going to write the Govenor and if no place with him then I will sit on his doorstep and I will let him know I will go to congress and I will go to the President of USA. Mike had planned on buying me a new vehicle this coming March but I see where the spare change will go. I will not stop until I get visitation rights, calls etc from my precious grandbabies.

On a happy note. Crystal their bio mom lives in OH and has been raising Brezden's full sister Jennaca. She is 2. Anyway. Crystal is due in September and has decided to let me name the baby girl she will be having. I have decided on Samari Raine. Crystal liked it very much.

Blessings with love,
Glenda

This is a cry for help. If any of my readers are of the Attorney niche, and can help, pro bono, please contact me at abigaillurae@live.com I will gladly relay any and all information.

The 1st Annual Winds of Change Retreat

2010-05-24T12:16:00.000-04:00

Mark your calendar!

Winds of change.

Beating Caught on Tape: Teacher Speaks

2010-05-19T10:30:00.001-04:00

There are clearly laws for the issue of child abuse and one of them is, parents aren't allowed to spank or strike their child. If they do, they are instantly arrested, put in jail and lose their children to CPS. The teacher, who appeared on Good Morning America, May 19th, 2010 had no right whatsoever to intimidate, strike... Or beat on that child, regardless of the circumstances that led up to that event. There are no excuses at all for her actions.
So what if the atmosphere was in a disruptive chaos and there was another fight before she took her anger out on the student? How many families have started their mornings off with children fighting and screaming, or a husband and wife going through the same kind of chaos before being able to go about their own individual day?
As for protecting the new child, why did she, or the other teacher, not get that child separated from the other students who taunted and mimicked that child?
There is so very much wrong with her excuses via putting the blame on others not stepping in, or the schools lack of security, along with blaming the parents. None of this has anything to do with her lack of self-control!
She says, she’s a mother herself- how does she deal with her anger when her children manage to hit that magical fired up button filled with adrenaline?
There are way too many parents out here whom have been arrested and lost their children for a lot less. Why has she not been jailed?
Please watch the video below...

1st ANNUAL CHILDRENS VOICES 4 JUDICIAL CHANGE (CV4JC)

2010-05-13T15:11:00.000-04:00

1st ANNUAL CV4JC Rally on May 18th-20th 2010. Contact annualcv4jc@gmail.com 4 more info or 2 volunteer

The UNANSWERED CRIES of our nations children have been lost in the broken Family Courts for too long. This is beyond a National issue, it is Global issue with devastating repercussions for the Children of the World. Some families paying the ultimate priceONES LIFE. Let it begin with us and we will bring it to your shores.

Come together in agreement and join our efforts for JUDICIAL CHANGE and to put an end to THE UNDECLAIRED WAR AGAINST OUR NATIONS CHILDREN...COURT SANCTIONED CHILD ABUSE.

The 1st ANNUAL CHILDRENS VOICES 4 JUDICIAL CHANGE (CV4JC) Rally down in Washington D.C. w/the tentative dates of May 18th-20th 2010
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESMcMIIjAHI

Dance in the House

2010-05-10T12:04:00.000-04:00

I’ve been all over the internet, trying to research why children and teenagers become as violent as they do. Along with my research, I’ve found very little on an issue I hold close to my heart- “Special Needs.” These people who did, “their homework,” (supposedly,) come up with the excuses- the kids are on either drugs, or alcohol- or the reason is due to being from a broken home, abused and abandoned. In their research, I have to wonder what the statistics are for the children whom were yanked out of their homes and placed within the system? (That, to me, would be enough to make the child to go off of the deep-end!) The government pays, $2,000.00 dollars more per month for children whom are, or displays, “special needs.” And, if you are wondering? YES! There are children whom are improperly misdiagnosed, just so these people can collect on them.

But, what I want to talk about right now, is the ones whom really are, “Special Needs,” along with the impact of how they can potentially become violent, not just with circumstantial incidences, (if Social Services gets involved,) but, with their own loving family, who does not exhibit any forms of what can be considered as abuse. Unless, you want to say, “spoiling them to death,” (and give CPS time, they’ll use that against someone!)

I’m going to share a part of my life with everyone and the world. *chuckle* I have a teenage son whom is, “Special Needs.” He’s a great kid, however, trust me, it hasn’t been easy with him. His behaviors he displays here at home, makes me think about the children and teens whom are dealt a raw hand through what is supposedly to, “save them.”

So to the educators of the sites I’ve visited, and those whom really haven’t done their homework- you’re partially right, but you need to post the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!!

Abby’s Life with the one who puts the dance in the house- I had a dream…

(The Dream)
Inside the church with it's tall hand carved arches inlaid with golden leaves, the sunshine filtered through the stained glass image of Mother Mary, then gently caressed the infant's cheek.
The priest dabbed his fingertips in the basin of holy water that had been placed upon an alter. He extended his hand to mark the baptism with the sign of the cross upon the baby's forehead. All was calm… all was peaceful.
Suddenly from out of nowhere, brilliant flames of red, orange, and yellow shot up from the innocent face of the child, causing the priest's hand to burn as if it were made of wax and his fingertips were the wicks of candles.
"Demon child! Demon child," he screamed in a high pitched keening as he jerked his hand back while the flames continued upward to consume his arm- then his entire being as he reeled backwards and spun around while screaming continuously until all at once- silence.
… It was then she woke from her sleep, shaking from the nightmare.

(Reality)

This dream occurred in the fifth month of the child being in her womb. Not understanding it's meaning, she tried to shove it out of her thoughts, "demon child, demon child," her mind whispered. "No," she whispered back, "t'was only a dream." No matter what she tried to do, the dream would not go away and her soul felt much like it had been set on fire- just like the priest who had been consumed by the flames. "Demon child, demon child," her mind continued to whisper.
Four months later her son was born. The birth was more painful than what she had experienced with her other children, who were now full grown. It felt as if her insides were being torn and ripped apart, only to leave a hollow spot, one that she prayed would no longer hurt. Images of a demon's face played in her mind until he was placed in her arms and she saw his sweet innocent face.
Soon though, all fears of that horrible nightmare passed and she enjoyed being a mother to her child. He was such a good baby and would play quietly in his crib. His development seemed normal and on target as he grew.
At fourteen months of age, a change came about, and the dream that had silenced itself in her mind, reared its ugly head once more, but this time the meaning behind it became crystal clear to her. Toys would become weapons in his tiny little hands as he would take aim, then throw with such unusual accuracy for his age. All the while, the gleam of an evil entity could be seen in his eyes. The objects would strike with such a force that she would cry out in pain and he would laugh- such a hideous laugh. "Demon child, demon child," the voice in her mind whispered as she sobbed but- she didn't want to believe it. His behavior was continuously becoming worse as each new development of his childhood bloomed and she was worried.
When he turned four years old, not only was he potentially dangerous to himself, but was deadly dangerous to others around him. Nothing could be put high enough away from him or his sight. Knives became his favorite "no-no's". Learning to move and duck rather quickly became habit, and the sense that she was not alone in a room caused her to not stay in one spot for very long at a time. Constant motion was required at all times.
Her kitchen soon became a fortress with locks placed on every cupboard door as well as the drawers where the silverware was kept. The only two drawers that didn’t require the restriction of a lock were where her towels and dishrags lay hap-hazard from him happily tossing them out on the floor. She didn’t have the time to refold them after she picked them up as he was into something else so she’d just stuff them back in their rightful place. The refrigerator too, soon took on a bright red bungee cord around it with the hooks placed in the back beyond his reach. The knobs on her stove had to be pulled off and locked away- only one was used and then hidden to keep him from being tempted to turn it on and hurt himself.
She had put him in the Head Start program through the school that year then hoped and prayed this environment would help him settle down some. It didn't… His behaviors were questionable, and the reflection fell on her and her parenting skills. So many times she had been called into the school for a conference about what her son had done to another child or how he would not focus and try to learn or stay in his seat. She took him to the doctor to see what was the matter with him, and the doctor only stated, "you have an active child, it's normal behavior for this age." Normal behavior? She thought not! "Demon child, demon child," her mind whispered again. She was beginning to think it were true.
Continuing her search to find other doctors, specialists, anyone who could help her understand why his behavior was considered "normal," was very taxing on the whole family, not to mention finances. All she encountered was, "he's fine, just an overly active child." Finally when she was ready to give up, she encountered a doctor who said that her son definitely displayed problematic behaviors, but nothing could be done for him until he was six years old. With extensive testing, this doctor diagnosed her son as having ADHD, (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), but in the meantime, she just had to grin and bear with it.
Going and talking with his teachers, she managed to get it across to them that he didn't learn his behaviors at home, and that there was hope for him in the future. It had a name and it wasn't any longer, "Demon child."

************************************************

A lot of parents whom have, “Special Needs,” kids, feel like they were cursed for something they had done in their life because the behaviors can get extremely hard to deal with. I know, because this is the way I felt for a long time. However, I was blessed with God putting an angel in my life whom became my friend and told me like it was. She told me, “now get over yourself! God has special children and He only entrusts these special souls with special people to take care of them for Him. You were chosen by God for such a task.”
Every now and then, I have to keep reminding myself of what my friend had told me because my son has gone from ADHD to ODD, (Oppositional Defiant Disorder,) to Schizophrenia with ADHD and finally, Severely Bipolar with ADHD. We have been through the paces with him all of these years.
I will say one thing though, God has been with us every step of the way and has taught me to utilize love, patience and understanding for this precious, “special” child. Our days are getting easier and easier as I think maturity is starting to blossom a little bit more. My son loves the Lord and tries his hardest to do what is right. For all of the hard work that has gone into his upbringing, I have been truly blessed with being the caretaker of this wonderful soul.

How many parents have a, “Special,” child and how many have been lost to a cold-hearted system? Then they, (social workers and officials,) all stand around and wonder, “why?” "They," can collect money until a certain age- what happens to our, "Special," ones and just how many have been in thier care? All in, "for the good of the child?"

Teens and Violence

2010-05-07T08:10:00.000-04:00

With increasing industrialization and urbanization, as well as the disappearing family unit and community social structures, more and more youth find themselves without social supports, adequate nurturing from parents, and the ability to function in school settings. At the same time, they may experience a growing dependency on drugs and alcohol. Without a strong family unit, at-risk teens are attracted to the street gang “family” lifestyle.
Youth experience increased freedom from parental scrutiny, and with this freedom comes an opportunity to become involved in socially unacceptable activities. Peers have tremendous influence among their fellow teens and a juvenile’s behavior is often dictated by whether their peer group is involved in drugs, gangs, and other forms of antisocial behavior (Juvenile Justice in America, 333).
The more of these factors that are present in a teen’s life, the more likely it is that he or she will become involved in problem behavior.

Teen violence statistics

Fifty percent of men who abuse their spouse will abuse their children. As sad as it sounds, three million children are at risk of being assaulted by a parent each year. A teen growing up with their mother being abused will more likely be a violent teenager and adult, than a teen that grows up in a loving home. Forty per cent of teenage girls have friends that have been a victim of some violent act. One in five high school girls has been in a violent relationship with a boy. Teen violence has been a problem for a long time but statistic show that this problem is growing and getting more violent each year. Understand that it is a serious problem and we need to not take it lightly. - http://www.at-risk.org/blame.html

In 1996, 63% of the juvenile domestic violence charges filed, were against juveniles who assaulted their mother or father. As of today, these numbers have increased dramatically by 1 in 7 families where either parent is assaulted by their child, ages ranging between 10-18 years old.

Children in foster care at greater risk for crime:
Children who stay in the homes of even troubled families are likely to fare better in life than if they are put into foster care, a new US study released Tuesday found.
"Kids in a foster care are three times more likely to become juvenile delinquents" than other at-risk young people whom social workers opt to leave with their biological families, said professor Joseph Doyle, of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's (MIT) Sloan School of Management.
His data shows 44 percent of children placed in foster care are arrested at least once, while the same was only true of 14 percent of children who stayed with their biological families, even when they are severely stressed.
About 56 percent of girls placed in foster care become pregnant as teens while the same was true of 33 percent of girls with their own families, even troubled ones.
"Child protection and family protection are two competing goods. Everybody wants both and in some case you have to pick one or the other," said Doyle, whose study tracked 15,000 children between 1999-2002.
"My research suggests that we should probably be pushing more toward family preservation at least in terms of the outcomes that I studied in the paper," he said. - http://rawstory.com/news/afp/Children_in_foster_care_at_greater__07032007.html

What is Going on With Our Youth?

2010-05-06T09:58:00.000-04:00

See this picture? What is our world coming to when the younger generation posts this and thinks it's funny? I- particularity, don't like it...

The description of this doll is now,

"New Jersey Shores Barbie in production"

Do you find this acceptable?

Child Exploitation Investigator Found Killed in Home

2010-05-01T21:04:00.000-04:00

Child Exploitation Investigator Found Killed in Home

By Victor Thorn

Child trafficking, pedophile rings, sexual exploitation, teenage pornography and even organ harvesting: These types of crimes make Washington politicians recoil in horror. But when these terrible acts involve some of their own, it also drives the elites to silence those who attempt to expose their dirty deeds.

Nancy Schaefer served two terms as a Georgia state senator, in addition to being a highly respected family rights advocate, founder of the Eagle Forum and Sunday school teacher. Mrs. Schaefer spoke out against abortion and sought legislation to display the Ten Commandments in public buildings.

On March 26, a sleeping Mrs. Schaefer was found shot to death from behind in her bed, along with her husband, who also perished after receiving a gunshot wound to the chest.

Local authorities immediately ruled it a “murder-suicide” instigated by her husband of 52 years, but there is much more to the story than law enforcement is telling. Initially, Georgia’s Bureau of Investigation claimed the couple formed a death pact due to poor health and financial woes.

However, family members fervently disagreed with these attempts to create a motive by floating fabricated stories. Neither of the deceased had a terminal illness, their bank accounts were sound, and, as committed Christians, they opposed suicide.

During an April 22 interview with this writer, Ohio radio talk show host Paul Drockton presented a shocking alternative to the official version.

“I heard from a couple of different sources that Mrs. Schaefer was working on a documentary, and intended to go public by exposing a high-level pedophilia ring,” said Drockton.

When asked if people would be familiar with the politicians named, Drockton replied in the affirmative, although he wouldn’t divulge their identities. This writer assumed they were nationally known figures.

Drockton added, “Mrs. Schaefer was extremely nervous about being assassinated. On a recent trip to Washington, she booked three rooms at her hotel—one on each side of her own, for security purposes. Mrs. Schaefer also started using disposable cell phones because she felt her lines were being tapped.”

In hindsight, these concerns most certainly appear justified. Over the past few years, Mrs. Schaefer engaged in a high-profile campaign against Georgia’s Child Protective Services (CPS). During an April 14, 2009, presentation, Mrs. Schaefer called CPS “a protected empire built on taking children and separating families. It is one of the most evil and corrupt branches of government in America.”

She also accused them of “legally kidnapping” the children of poor families who couldn’t afford attorneys in order to fill bureaucratic quotas under Bill Clinton’s Adoption and Safe Families Act.

Mrs. Schaefer provided the grisly details. “Cash bonuses are paid to the state for every child that is adopted out of foster care. Oftentimes, the amount is $4,000 to $6,000, with an extra $2,000 for special-needs children.”

Mrs. Schaefer continued: “To make more money, they need more merchandise; and children equal merchandise. They also need a large selection of children for potential adoptions so that buyers have more to choose from.”

CPS therefore acts as a facilitator, using the court system to snatch children from their parents, then feeding them into foster care for eventual adoption. Mrs. Schaefer cited numerous dangers to this corrupt arrangement. A 1998 study by the National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect stated that six times more youths die in foster care than in the general public. They are also more prone to sexual molestation by pedophiles in the foster care system. Many children simply disappear.

Considering the monetary incentives surrounding a business of trafficking in children by converting them into cash, did CPS open the floodgates to even more widespread wrong doing—one that resembled the notorious “Franklin Affair”?

Did powerful politicians operating a high-level child pedophilia ring clean house to prevent Mrs. Schaefer’s film from seeing the light of day?

Online commentator Steven Erickson offered this response on April 2, noting that Mrs. Schaefer attended a special hearing in the Netherlands.

“Nancy was recently the victim of murder,” wrote Erickson. “Her husband is said to have been the killer in a murder-suicide. Some may think it is a murder-for-hire, paid for by police or insiders in Georgia government allegedly involved in official kidnapping for federal tax dollars. Are children being trafficked for white slavery, sex exploitation, for bogus adoption, and to give political insiders six-figure salaries paid for with taxes? Are the police in some states involved in drug dealing, prostitution, racketeering, obstruction of justice, murder, rape, extortion and other crimes? Are American courts a scam? Nancy was pretty high profile, making serious allegations, and she ends up dead. Do the math.”

The broader question remains: Did corruption end at the Georgia state level, or were Mrs. Schaefer’s sights set even higher?

During her Netherlands World Congress of Families speech last year, Mrs. Schaefer specifically described U.S. government involvement in human trafficking.

Considering the huge amounts of bloodstained dollars at stake, not to mention the lengthy prison sentences awaiting each guilty party, it’s clear she may have been a prime target for retaliation.

Washington politicians have long concealed a cesspool of child “call boys.” A few names that come to mind include Paul Bonacci, who was kidnapped and sold as a sex slave; Barney Frank’s homosexual lover, who operated a prostitution service, Larry King of the Franklin Cover-Up; and Jeff Gannon, a planted White House “reporter” who operated a homosexual escort service. Then, of course, The Washington Times ran the following headline on June 29, 1989: “Homosexual Prostitution Inquiry Ensnares VIPs with Reagan, Bush.”

Former Nebraska state patrolman Gary Caradori, during an investigation of the Franklin Cover-Up case, was murdered on June 11, 1990, after having his airplane sabotaged. Mrs. Schaefer seems to have suffered the same fate, except her cowardly killers used a bullet in her back to ensure her silence.

Victor Thorn is a hard-hitting researcher, journalist and the author of many books on 9-11 and the New World Order. These include 9-11 Evil: The Israeli Role in 9-11 and Phantom Flight 93.

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Do You Find This Disturbing?

2010-04-13T18:23:00.000-04:00

I ran across this ad while playing an internet game- my blood began to boil when I saw this! In my opinion, I find this utterly appalling as there are so many parents who have tried to strive for, "perfection," while on the course of trying to prove they are good and fit parents. I have to wonder with this ad, just how many children are in this particular foster care program and who have their own natural, biological, loving parents fighting for them?

Do you find this just as disturbing as I do? Please leave your comments...

Whatever It Takes...

2010-04-09T19:08:00.000-04:00

I've had many people ask me what my speech was about that I gave this last Tuesday evening at a Christian Ladies Auxiliary Meeting. Needless to say, I ended up just speaking from my heart and didn't follow what I had written out. Just before I began to speak, I had the song, "Whatever It Takes," by Phillips, Craig & Dean played. This set the mood for what I wanted to speak about. Please enjoy what was meant to be said, but what wasn't. *chuckle* -Abby

I have been blessed with the gift of loving to write. For awhile, I was a journalist for the local newspaper in a community we had lived in down in Florida. During the time of my articles getting published each week, I began to witness miracles from what I had written about.
Trust me, I was in total awe of this! After sometime of witnessing these miracles, I began to realize this was the intended path God wanted me to take. My next step was to write books and become Abigail Lurae. That’s the nice thing about being an author, you can go by another name if you don’t like your own name.

My first book came out onto the market in 2008, entitled Graceful Reflections. It’s a book about how one lady endured domestic violence during the years there weren’t any laws on the books to protect her from spousal abuse. During the course of living through this, she lost what mattered to her most, her children… The names have been changed in this book, but the story is mirrored after my life.

I think, in God’s great scheme of things for my life, I was set from the very beginning to experience the path of being broken of heart and eventually spirit. Now, I’m not saying that is a bad thing because it’s not. I do believe God has a special purpose for me and I needed to learn what it was that He wanted to teach me in order to be where I am and where He’s led me to be today.
Since I’ve started doing the talk radio shows on the internet as a guest on various programs, I’ve spoken with others whom have recognized what God’s calling is for me before I’ve even recognized it myself. All I knew was, I wanted to help others. Anyway, These few selected people I know, have grinned from ear to ear as they have said to me, “Oh, the Lord has prepared you well! Your calling is to help others by inspiring them and helping them pull themselves up out of the dungeons of their mental vises and making them aware of His greatest lesson they must learn, which becomes their greatest gift from Him.”

Now, I know I have inspired others through my testimony of what I’ve been through, (without trial, there is no testimony,) ‘Let go, let God,’ like the saying goes. I just pray, with inspiring others, it is my hope I’m helping the down trodden whom are weak in spirit and helping the others to regain their strength.
When I wrote my first book, Graceful Reflections, it was done as a venting and cleansing process for me. All of my life, I have been abused, but the worst abuse came after marrying my ex-husband and being married for numerous years to him. That period of time had completely demolished any self-worth and self esteem that I had as all through my years here on this earth, I was losing any sense of myself, piece by piece- year by year- and in the end, I lost everything that ever mattered to me. I had many emotions to work through as I wrote. If you were to read my first book, it will certainly appear that the pain was great, almost unbearable to rehash and relive. The chapters are short and my thought processes only skim the surface of what had happened and what had occurred.

From birth, God has instilled a heart within me that is filled with love, not only for myself, (which is an aspect I had lost for a long time, or in all actuality, I never really had grasped it to begin with,) but, my love is for all of mankind. I’ve always said, “I have a heart that just won’t quit.” The mental and emotional pain I have gone through, I attribute a lot of it to my heart and have carried many souls within it’s depths by never giving up on them.
I’ve got to give God the glory though, not only for the heart He blessed me with, but for the gift of writing as He stood by me while I was penning out my tormented pain and my shattered love. During the course of letting every single emotion known to mankind flood out of me, He was there, picking up the pieces and teaching me as I continued to write. It is now my mission, (I think,) to speak for Him as I truly believe, He is using me as His vessel to try to reach out to those whom have suffered and to those whom are suffering in silence; possibly make others aware of this malignant evilness that is spreading all around the world too.

The best way I could do this was to write the testimony of my life, which is now currently my third book in the makings and have the intertwining of the Graceful Reflections characters within the pages. It’s a true story, one that has been lived through, suffered through, and one where, when God was finally allowed to take over, while realization and peace of mind has become the predominate factor. I am His humble servant…

There are a couple of other things I want to add. I have one rule that I try to live by and this one rule was also instilled in me by my grandmother… “Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you.”

With me personally trying to live by this, I never could understand why others felt it necessary to do to me, what they did. Even to this day, I still don’t understand other than the possible fact, they might have felt intimidated by me, or the devil had a firm grip on them.
The other thing I wanted to mention, there is a section in the Bible I dearly love. It is in Matthew, Chapter 5, verses 3-11, (the Beatitudes.)

3. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
6. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.
7. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
8. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.
10. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11. Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

Such powerful verses! When I read them, it’s almost like I can hear Jesus speaking His words and nourishing them all over again within my heart to continue to grow. The Beatitudes are rooted there and have been ever since I was a child. I remember falling in love with these verses way back then. They are my food for thought, my inspiration and my guidance.

The person I am today, is someone who has been saved by the grace and love, one, I never realized that it existed - I was broken and have been through hell- been there and back again. I hate everything that I have had to endure, but God gave me the strength to go on- to continue on when I thought there was no need for me even to be here. You have no idea of how much I wanted to end it all. Even in death, (within my own mind,) I wanted out- I wanted peace.

The thought of death became my comfort as it would end everything in this world for me. Unfortunately, or fortunately. I was afraid to end it all- I didn’t have the courage to end it on my own. I had been brought up to believe, if you killed yourself, it was an unforgivable sin to do so.
Even as a child, I learned about God… I had respect as it was drilled into me.

Truthfully, I never understood what my purpose was in life until a few years ago. After I learned how to forgive, it was then I understood.

God is so awesome! His tender love and grace, is so very awesome! Life is short- why contemplate on all that holds us prisoner here? Anger, hate- why must we be victims to such? I was a victim of domestic violence- but, I am no longer a victim!!!

How do you learn to free yourself of this? It’s an individual process, one that you must be willing to take.

When you have reached rock bottom- there is no where else to go except up. I reached that- I cried, I screamed- my heart felt as if it were torn and shredded into pieces. I felt as if I had reached my end- Then this gentle, quiet, voice said, “no!” It was a voice within me- one that spoke with clarity. I could feel this voice come from the depths of my heart and the depths of my soul.
I was confused. People accept this voice as, the sub-consicious, as the good or the bad. The good or the evil.
I had so much to work out within myself. God kept on telling me to write Graceful Reflections, (He was an agonizing pain about this too,) but while I was writing it and penning out every emotion known to mankind, He patiently taught me the art of learning how to forgive in the process.

Now, I will admit, it was easier to forgive those who had hurt me, than it was learning how to forgive myself, that was a battle and half! But I had to do this in order to continue on and become an advocate, not only for Domestic Violence victims, but for God as well…

Forgiving is a long hard process. It is something you learn within yourself and within the circumference of yourself, it‘s not an over night thing either. It is something you have to do on your own. Remember the saying, “In order to forget, you must forgive?” I have forgotten most of the transgressions made against me, and others are there in my memory for educational purposes, lessons to be passed on- God has cleared my mind and my heart of everything ugly from what I call, my dark days. I don’t ever want to relive them as God has granted me the strength to forgive, and such a relief it is.

Since allowing our Heavenly Father to guide my days, and me giving Him my heart and soul in return, my eyes have been opened up to each and every blessing, no matter how small, how trying or how incredibly awesome it is. God has blessed me abundantly with love, and being able to come full circle with what needed a healing hand.

God has done whatever it has taken to bring me back to where I belong… and that is home.

A GREAT LOSS

2010-03-28T19:12:00.000-04:00

This has been sad news for the whole entire United States and other countries. Former Senator Nancy Schaefer and her husband, were found in their home, shot to death, Friday, March 26, 2010. The officials are saying it was a murder-suicide.

I, like many other Americans, feel this is not the case as Mrs. Schaefer and her husband were devote and devoted Christians. It is inconceivable that they would take this kind of action by their own hands without considering the consequences of eternal life with our great Lord and Master.

You know, in my entire life, there have been only two, "great ladies," I have admired most with their courageous spirits. When they passed on, I have cried and felt a great emptiness... Princess Di and now Nancy Schaefer.

Please take a moment and say a prayer for not only the families of these victims, but for all of the families, Mrs. Schaefer has been fighting for. We need to continue her work and carry it on as she has laid the foundation for all to follow.

Family rights advocates mourn death of Nancy Schaefer

2010-03-28T12:50:00.001-04:00

Family rights advocates mourn death of Nancy Schaefer

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A Personal Note From Abby

2010-03-23T08:44:00.000-04:00

This is a short piece from a speech I'm preparing for an upcoming event. There's much more I want to add, but with this beginning, it's something I wanted to share with my readers. Blessings... -Abby

The person I am today, is someone who is humbled- who was broken and is now speaking from the heart. God’s heart! I have been through hell- been there and back again. I hate everything that I have had to endure, but God gave me the strength to go on- to continue on when I thought there was no need for me even to be here. You have no idea of how much I wanted to end it all. Even in death, (within my own mind,) I wanted out- I wanted peace.
The thought of death became my comfort as it would end everything in this world for me. Unfortunately, or fortunately. I was afraid to end it all- I didn’t have the courage to end it on my own. I had been brought up to believe, if you killed yourself, it was an unforgivable sin to do so.
Even as a child, I learned about God… I had respect as it was drilled into me. Truthfully, I never understood what my purpose was in life until a few years ago. After I learned how to forgive, it was then I understood.
God is so awesome! His tender love and grace, is so very awesome! Life is short- why contemplate on all that holds us prisoner here? Anger, hate- why must we be victims to such? I was a victim of domestic violence- I am no longer a victim!!!
How do you learn to free yourself of this? It’s an individual process, one that you must be willing to take.
When you have reached rock bottom- there is no where else to go except up. I reached that- I cried, I screamed- my heart felt as if it were torn and shredded into pieces. I felt as if I had reached my end- it was either death, or life. I was ready for it all to end… Then this gentle, quiet, voice said, “no!” It was a voice within me- one that spoke with clarity.
I was confused. People accept this voice as, the sub-consicious, as the good or the bad. The good or the evil.
I had so much to work out within myself. God kept on telling me to write what I did, (He was an agonizing pain about this,) While I was writing, He hit me with a ton of bricks about learning how to forgive.
Forgiving is a long hard process. It is something you learn within yourself and within the circumference of yourself. It is something you have to do on your own. Remember the saying, “In order to forget, you must forgive?” I have forgotten the transgressions-God has cleared my mind and my heart of everything. I don’t want to relive them as God has granted me the strength to forgive, and such a relief it is.
So many questions have come… how do I forgive? The answer is hard, but it is complete. Search within yourself to find the answer. Life is short, when it comes to the after life- does it matter? The answers in yourself are hard to come by, but if you listen to that small voice? You have the world by the tail!!

Pet Lovers Join Crusade Against Domestic Abuse

2010-02-14T08:28:00.000-05:00

I ran across this article and wanted to share it via passing it along. To me, it became a warning sign long ago...
By Kate Santich
Sentinel Staff Writer

The campaign against domestic violence is recruiting what might seem like unlikely new foot soldiers these days: animal lovers.

In an effort to protect potential victims of domestic violence, Harbor
House — Orange County's only domestic-violence shelter — is reaching
out to veterinarians, animal-cruelty investigators, law enforcement and
neighbors to watch for signs of animal abuse that may indicate a deeper
pattern of family violence.

"I think it would change the face of domestic violence if people
understood how close that relationship is between animal abuse and
domestic violence," said Harbor House CEO Carol Wick. "When you start
getting people angry about pets being victimized, it may create a lot
more awareness and protection for the people involved."

The recent case of radio personality Shannon Burke,
who is charged with animal cruelty for the April 30 shooting of his
wife's dog, has only heightened awareness of what domestic-violence
experts say is a common scenario. In a sworn statement filed in court,
Catherine Burke said her husband had threatened, "I'm going to shoot
the dog in the head, and you're going to watch."

The bullet wounded the dog, then grazed Catherine Burke's forehead. Later, both she and Burke said it was all an accident.

Phil Arkow, director of the American Humane Association's "The Link"
program — formed a year ago to educate the public about the subject —
said pets frequently become pawns in violent or manipulative
relationships.

"Abusers use that bond between humans and animals as a weapon to coerce
and control and humiliate their victims and to keep them trapped in
abusive relationships," he said.

Pets can be abusers' pawns

Arkow, who spoke in
Orlando last week at Harbor House's invitation, is working with Florida
advocates to introduce a bill in the Legislature next year allowing
people to include pets when seeking restraining orders — something
possible now in 10 states and the District of Columbia. The move would
allow a pet owner whose animal has been threatened to help keep an
abuser at a distance and disarmed.

According to a national survey, 71 percent of women entering shelters
reported that their batterer had injured, killed or threatened family
pets for revenge. Most of the time, the animal abuse takes place in
front of the woman or her children, adding to their trauma.

Harbor House has started training Orange County's animal-cruelty
investigators on how to recognize and respond to cases of domestic
violence. This month, staffers also enlisted about 50 local
veterinarians to put up posters and pass out postcards on the issue.
The vets are tying a symbolic purple ribbon on each pet's collar in
remembrance of domestic-violence victims.

Perhaps most important, Harbor House has been raising money to build a
kennel on its shelter property, allowing victims to bring their pets
with them when they seek refuge. The kennel, due to be built next year,
will be the first of its kind in Central Florida and only the second in
the state.

One of the leading reasons victims stay with their abusers is the fear
of what will happen to their pets if they're left behind. Some may have
come to love their pets more than themselves.

That was the case for Darla Ward, who was stabbed to death by the man
she had thought was the love of her life. It came after years of
torment from her former husband and various boyfriends, starting when
she was just 19.

'Decided to teach her a lesson'

"One day I came
home from school to find Darla in the bedroom we had shared, curled up
in a ball, crying," said her younger sister, Karen Ward Procell, now an
Orlando attorney and an advocate for victims of domestic violence.
"See, she had gone to the grocery store that day and her husband
thought she had spent a little too long talking to the clerk — a boy
that had lived across the street from us for as long as I could
remember. When they got home from the store, he decided to teach her a
lesson."

He ran over the puppy he had given his young wife just a few weeks earlier, Procell said. It was dead.

Ward left her husband, only to pursue a relationship with another
abuser. He, too, killed her pets and those of her children — bunnies,
turtles, fish — before ultimately stabbing her 31 times, once for each
year of her life. It was Thanksgiving Day 1993.

Lavonia Spann was convicted of murder and sentenced to prison in Ohio. He has his first parole hearing next month.

"It's easy to look back now and think about all the things we could
have done to save my sister, but back then the crystal ball wasn't so
clear," Procell said. "But what we can do is use what we've learned to
help others."

Kate Santich can be reached at 407-420-5503 or ksantich@orlandosentinel.com.

Central Florida domestic-violence hotlines
•Orange County: Harbor House, Orlando, 407-886-2856.

• Osceola County: Help Now of Osceola County, 407-847-8562.

• Lake County: Haven of Lake and Sumter Counties, 352-753-5800.

• Volusia County: Domestic Abuse Council Inc., 386-255-2102.

• Seminole County: SafeHouse of Seminole, 407-330-3933.

My Heart Breaks…When Is It Enough? By Gee Lucero

2010-02-05T12:18:00.000-05:00

My husband and I are on the other side of the coin. My grandson was being neglected and the state took him from my daughter, and the father of my grandson. We, as grandparents thought, okay within 3 months, Kaden would be back with my daughter. She would do what she had to do, to get her son back. She had to complete a plan. She did not, nor did the father, but in the meantime had a baby girl, Taylor. Well, the state took her as well and we got her. Eleven months later they brought us my second grandson at 3 days old. So we had all three.

On my side, my daughter and the father's of the children did not do their part. So we were to adopt all three. Our home study was for all three. Well, the social worker showed up and told us they were putting the two older ones in a non-family foster home for pre-adoption, and we were to focus on adopting the little one. So they pulled the siblings away, and they do not see one another. I have seen them once since they left in Dec. 2008. When they went to the non-family foster home, I got on the phone and called their other grandma. She ended up getting them and just recently adopted them, but here it still is where siblings are pulled apart. We would have already had the two older ones adopted before the other little one was born, but the state kept asking for a continuance. So Kaden was in foster care in our home, in the non-family foster's home, and then the paternal grandmother's; up until he was 5 1/2 years old from being 5 weeks old when he was placed in foster care. Taylor was in foster care since she was 3 days and will be 4 here soon. Brezy came to us at 3 days old and we adopted him a month before he turned 2. So there is no consistency when it comes to the foster care system.

When we became foster parents, it stated the child has to be placed in a pre-adoptive home if a family member cannot adopt within 15-22 months of foster care, if the birth parents are still unable to have their children back. Also, that- they do not separate siblings. We, as foster parents, saw a birth mom go through the loss of her girls. It was allegations and nothing happened, but because of one child being upset and saying something, she lost all three of her girls to the state. They came into the foster system; when in actuality, these girls just needed a safer place to live, along with their mother.

CPS is for the money. If a foster parent calls for vouchers, then you are not considered a good foster parent. If a foster parent calls with an issue in regards to the child, you are not a good foster parent. You are a good foster parent as long as you take the check each month and do not complain.

CPS is not for the children. They are for their own paychecks and the extra help the state gets in money, grants and much more. IF a child cannot live with their birth parents, then they belong with a family with NO STATE involved. So many parents are losing their children to CPS, because they get more funding basically, with the more they have in foster care.

You see all those commercials where they need more foster parents to provide a home for children that need homes. It is them, (CPS) needing more money. A parent never knows when there is going to be allegations brought up against them, whether the truth or not.

I can see if a child is not in a clean home, goes to school filthy and starved. A child can get a bruise from anywhere. I wonder if they have ever stopped to think how many times they, as adults, have bruised their head by getting in and out of the car and hitting their head on top of the door frame? Or tripped over a toy and got a bruise when the toy flew up and got them in their lower chin? There are many adults, like children, who have bruised their tailbones from falling. I am a good one for running into walls! They seem not to move when I expected them to. *OUCH!*

Many parents want to be parents... and they are without their children because of CPS. Yes, there are children in the system due to obvious reasons. Parents doing drugs and the children being abused, because the parents are so wrapped up in their drug world. If they cannot take the initiative to change their ways, then no- they do not deserve to get their children back to put them into a drug environment.
I also feel, if there is a reason for a child not being with their parents, then they should be placed with a family. They should not have to go through the state system. If a birth parent needs help and they are accepting the help, then their child should be given back to them once they have sought help and gotten the help they needed.

If a child is taken by allegations, CPS you were not there! The child is telling you what happened. If a parent was not even present when this allegation supposedly took place, then how can you take their child away from them?

People- lets wake up and save our children! We did adopt a very precious child of God's. We miss the two we were to have, but the state intervened. We, as parents, must protect our children and stand up for the little ones that cannot on their own. If a child tells you that nothing happened, that does not mean for someone from the state to continue to pressure the child, and then the child changes their statement in fear.

CPS, you go to the home when you get a call. You should be able to tell if that child is neglected or not, just by the home and the environment the child is in. Also, you should be able to tell If the child is not bruised, doesn't have welts or showing signs of abuse. Most likely, the allegation came from someone that is upset with the parents and are using the children to get back at them. Stop and think of the children- not the paycheck you get or the funds the state receives, which you live on is going to give, so that you may have a job. Did you not become a Social Worker to be an advocate for children that are actually being abused?

My heart continues to break with not having the other two grandbabies that WE were to adopt. I know they are safe for now. I know they are cared for and loved. But, that does not stop my heart from aching... We, as foster parents, were not allowed to be called grandparents to our grandchildren, because they were in the foster system. We feel like we have lost our own children.

The state took a part of us away. They took a part of Brezy away. They say, “no biggie, he will not remember.” Well he does! He knows who his sister and brother is. He even knows that he has a sister with his birth mom in another state. These children that they like to say, “we took these babies away from their birth mom because of drug use.” But, yet turn around and separate the siblings. Siblings that were all on the same Adoption Home Study that my husband and I passed, even with the disabilities I have. Nothing was hid- nothing was left in the closet from our side. But yet, they came in and took our grandbabies and put them into a foster home, one that they were even abused in. We were told we could see them anytime we wanted, but then it turned into, "well they need some time to adjust in the foster home before you see them." We were to be allowed weekends of them staying with us. They were also to stay with us through Thanksgiving, knowing that they were leaving the state to be with their other grandma who rescued them from staying in the system. We never got those times. We got one night, from the time they placed them in the foster home until their father’s mother was able to get them. She stayed with us one night about 2 weeks before Christmas before taking them to another state.

We send cards and gifts constantly to them and rarely hear that they get the items. I went down to see them and was in the area for 5 days and got to see them 3 times. They were aggressive and such when I left them, this I was told. Well, guess why? The state did not keep three little people together with what they considered their Mama and Papa. You think they are going to forget? Now, we rarely get to talk to them. We still send gifts and cards in hopes they are getting them. Some day they will be old enough. They will appreciate the love they got from their grandma, but they will want to see Mama and Papa someday.

This is what CPS is doing to families. They are breaking up homes. These children needed foster care, and we were there for them, plus also, 19 other children. Some should have never been taken from their birth homes, but... some needed to be. There are so many birth families that are on the verge of losing their children through terminations, even though they have done everything that the state requires them to do. Not just in the state we live in, but every state throughout our nation.

Parents and grandparents when is enough- ENOUGH? When will our hearts stop breaking apart and the ache subside?

I have a poem I wrote back in 1996. Definitely before I had grandchildren, but this is dedicated to our babies as the state felt was their right to separate them from another sibling.

Missing You Both…
Whenever we miss you both,
It always brings to mind,
The thoughts and hopes we shared together
And our many happy times.
We think about the laughter,
And the quiet moments too.
We think of all the things,
So unique to us and you two.
And though the many miles,
Make it seem we’re far apart,
The many warm memories like these
Keep you both forever in our hearts.
(Poem revised 2009)
Gee Lucero

TO MY ABUSERS BY ROSA TORRES-SADLER

2010-01-24T20:46:00.000-05:00

TO MY ABUSERS

Can I change the pain of the past? Can I run from the memories of the past? No, I can not! I did try.

Now, to my past abusers can you run and hide from the damage that, you have caused? No matter where you go in life, the memory of the abuse you caused me will be following each step you take.

Have you ever sat down and think to yourself, 'my God- what have done? I am suppose to protect the woman, child or man that I love.' Why is it so difficult for you to say, forgive me for the pain I caused you?

To all abusers, you can not run nor can you hide from the abuse that you have inflicted on so many victims!!!

I pray each night that my past abusers will find peace because of their denial and lies, it will be difficult for them to find peace of mind.

My peace shines brightly through me; I feel like I can climb the highest mountain and scream out loud and thank God for bringing so many wonderful people into my life.

I will not hide, I will not be afraid, I am strong and positive. I will speak out and I will continue for justice because I am on the right side of the law!!!

Even after I have gone home, I know that, my memory will live on through my children and grandchildren- great, great grandchildren and all my wonderful friends and thier families!!

So to all of you, thank you again for all your love and support!

Rosa Torres-Sadler

This is my most favorite article Rosa! Your voice speaks so loudly and clearly! My strength is renewed through your strength!

2010-01-24T19:40:00.000-05:00

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
OF
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Yesterday evening my two children and I had a very serious conversation in regards to Domestic Violence that, I sustained from their father. They wanted to know why am I speaking out so strongly now after all these years in silence about the horrible abuse that I suffered by the hands of there Dad?

The love that I have for my family is so overwhelming but I want them to realize that, the love that I have for myself is why I am able to speak out and why I was determined to move forward for my justice. No matter how much I begged and pleaded for it to stop, it did not matter because in the end, I am the one that is left with the marks of the past of abuse.

We can not judge, blame, induce guilt or make them feel shame to any victim or survivor of domestic violence.

It has been more then 20 years since Domestic Violence has entered into my life. My silence has caused me my vision. My silence almost destroyed me!

My father has been gone from my life for more then two years now and a day does not go by that I do not think of my papi and mami.

The day before my father died, he looked at me and said, “Continue to the fight, don’t give up”.

I made my peace with my ex husband and I am a stronger and determined woman then ever because I made my peace.

Forgiveness became very difficult for me because, each day that I waken I am reminded of the years of abuse that I endure.

I often think of women, children and men who are physically sacred from the abuse they suffered.

How many are left burns marks, stabs marks, lost of vision, limbs removed and so on. Each day they are reminded of the plagues that continues to inflict on many lives.

I have acknowledge all the wrong I did in my marriage to my children and to anyone that wants to know the truth but….I know that I will never receive the acknowledgement for the abuse that I have suffered by my ex husband's hand, and the Pa State Trooper.

May god bless all victims and survivors of Domestic Violence!

Thank you for your time and compassion.

Much love and respect,

Rosa Torres-Sadler

Rosa Torres-Sadler- SURVIVOR!

2010-01-24T19:12:00.000-05:00

I'm honored to be able to feature a few writings by Rosa Torres-Sadler, whom is a survivor of Domestic Violence. She has a strong and powerful voice, one that is filled with much love for all of us whom have suffered as well. I'm very proud to call her friend and refer to her as a wonderful advocate for those who can't speak for themselves. God love you Rosa!

WHERE IS THE CHANGE?
WHERE IS THE HOPE?
WHEN WILL IT STOP?

Not long ago I wrote a short blog on ACKNOWLDGEMENT ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

What do we tell our victims when there is no justice? What do we tell our babies, when they cry for their mothers and the courts continue to return them to their abusers?

I want to be able to tell my grandchildren that, there are Judges, Lawyers, and Police Officers that will protect them. I remember seeing the pain in my baby’s eyes when they were little and now here they are as men and they too have their flash backs of the past abuse.

Do our abusers ever think what type of damage they leave behind? Could they ever comprehend the pain the little boys who are now men still carry?

Each abuser is a selfish, disgraceful, evil person. You think that, out of sight out of mind will not affect you and that, the memories will go away but…they don’t. Not for our babies, mothers and fathers.

I want to tell all of the victims and survivors, I know how difficult it has been for you and I feel your pain. I pray that, one day our Justice System in this great country of ours will take notice. Our Courts must listen to the little voices that cry for help.

God bless all of you! The love I feel for my children is the love that, I feel for all my babies, sister’s and brother’s.

Much love,
Rosa Torres-Sadler

A Great Need For Change by James Foster

2010-01-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

A Great Need for Change
By James Foster

There is a great need for change in the current Child Protection Business... Tens of Thousands of children are ripped from their parents arms and many lives are destroyed every year by Child Protective Services, who many times respond to false allegations and create evidence, in order to receive federally given cash adoption bonuses. And all the while claiming the feel good euphemism, "best interest of the child"... Children rarely need to be protected from their parents, however child protection has become a multi billion dollar business... My objective is to help the public become more aware of this obscene injustice, and unacceptable abuse of power... It is time to start honoring families by putting a stop to legal kidnapping and taking the bounty off our children's heads. It's time to start using federal funds to help families that are facing temporary circumstances, instead of destroying them for the sake of feeding the corrupt beast that is, Child Protective Services...
Hello, my name is James Foster. And this is what happened to me. In 2004, an order was placed for my children by my Aunt, who quite simply and blatantly wanted my children for herself... My three daughters were abducted by Child Protective Services on Sept.5, 2005, and given to my Aunt...This was based on an allegation that I had caused a bruise on my six year old daughters forehead… Not only did I not cause the bruise, but an investigation by CPS would have revealed that I worked out of town, and did not even have access to my daughter for 5 days prior to the injury. I was told by the department that their permanency plan was family reunification, and that I would have my children back within thirty days... This was a lie and tactic to keep me from obtaining an attorney.

I later learned that the "service plan" that I successfully completed, which consisted of personal counseling, couple counseling, family counseling, psychological evaluation, drug evaluation, home evaluations, batterer intervention program, anger management program, and parenting classes, was a smoke screen, designed to make it look like they were somehow helping me to become suitable to raise my children, when in actuality, they were using their team of paid professionals to build a case against me…

During this first year in CPS custody they maximized their federal funding by deeming my children “special needs children" by diagnosing them with ADHD and feeding them psychiatric drugs. This way they were able to obtain more federal money... These psychiatric drugs along with the emotional abuse of being ripped away from her parents, and my Aunt and Uncle forcing my kids to call them Mom and Dad, led to Courtney, being admitted into a psychiatric hospital with thoughts of suicide... (Who protects the children, when their God given protectors have been stripped away, and CPS becomes the abuser ?)

This case ended with a "mediated settlement agreement" That took CPS out of the picture, gave my Aunt "PMC," and gave me a graduated visitation schedule. I agreed on this settlement with the intentions of pursuing to regain full custody with CPS out of the picture... During this time My children made an outcry to me that they were being physically abused by my aunt's husband and CPS was forced to investigate the integrity of their own placement. CPS's findings were "no signs of abuse or neglect." But, I have documented photos, a sheriff's report an statement from my daughter, that says she was physically held down on a bed and was beaten black and blue, with a belt, while she lay kicking and screaming and with no clothing (or her daddy) to protect her. All for leaving a car door open...

During this time, my Aunt got her own attorney, took me to court, and tried to have my parental rights terminated on her own. Which had to go before the District Court, not CPS court. The District Court Judge laughed her out of court... It was now time for me to file my own suit to regain full custody. A glimmer of hope, right? Wrong ! My Aunt saught refuge in her old allies, up and gave my kids back to CPS...

This began the second CPS case, and landed my children in a group home, where they are 5 times more likely to be physically, sexually abused or murdered... Over 1000 children are murdered or die from serious neglect in the guardianship of CPS every year... This also required me to begin a new service plan, and gave CPS a second chance to terminate my parental rights, which was now their permanency plan ... How could I have failed as a parent during this time, when the access I had to my children was limited to supervised visitations?

During this time, my visitations were court ordered to take place in a town almost two hours away, however I have documented the violation of these "court orders" by CPS, because the kids were not being brought to these visits about 50% of he time, with no regard to letting me know they were not going to show up...

During one of these times I spent in the waiting room, another parent shared a seemingly believable story that she knew someone who was able to pay CPS and got their children back... When I inquired about weather this was possible with my case worker, she turned around and filed "Felony Bribery" charges on me, which of course was not what happened... Those charges are still pending...

So now with approximately two months before my "final hearing", the CPS judge, tells me I have to get another attorney because the one I had was representing myself and my kids mother... I still don't understand this ruling... However my new attorney who was not familiar with the case was no match for the "State of Texas", whom I’d like to point out, now had three years to prepare their case. On September 11, 2008, Against my children's and my will, and by using unlawful tactics, they obtained a verdict terminating my parental rights. The department promptly scheduled what they proudly call a "final visitation." I have not been allowed to see, talk to, or write my children sense that visit in November of last year...

My case has been in appeal for one year...However the state continues to manipulate the courts by dragging their feet, and was even granted a continuance... We have filed our appeal brief and are now waiting for the state to file their answer, which the appellant court needs before they can make a ruling. The basis for our argument is that the court allowed the state to retry the first case even though we had come to a mediated settlement agreement, and the fact that mistreating my children was impossible, when they were not even in my care... As you can see, there are many injustices in my case. But this is not an isolated incident, in fact, it is a world wide political and criminal phenomenon. If you feel compelled to help, and want the appellant court to return my children to me, then please visit my petition sight at… http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/Psalm127verse3/
Also, I would like to leave you with this poem which I gave to my daughters the last time I saw them. Thank you and God bless... James Foster

A daughter is beauty at its finest.
Heart of an angel, soul so pure, and sweet.
Daughters are one of God's most precious gifts that he has bestowed upon the world.
Angels in Heaven do not compare to thine beauty, and grace my ever so beautiful, and lovely daughter.
Seeing you at birth brought more joy to me
than all the money in the world could ever do.
You are morning, bright, and shining,
you are noon, you reside at the highest point in my heart,
you are the dew kissed night.
You are my daughter, heart, and soul.

Velmar Pewee Hale Johnson

James has kindly contributed his content here for a book being put together to help promote awareness. Thank you James and may God bless you always... -Abby

Grant Me The Strength

2010-01-17T20:35:00.000-05:00

God, grant me the strength
To change the things I can change
The courage to face the things I can’t
And the wisdom to know the difference…

Many, many years ago, a young woman had been invited to come for supper at a new friend’s house. She had met him a couple of weeks prior and instantly bonded with him because he was easy to talk to and seemed to be filled with much wisdom as he was quite a bit older than she was.

As she sat on his sofa while he prepared the salad, she couldn’t help but stress over the events that were to take place the next day. She had to be in court the following morning and fight once again with the judge and the people from the Social Services Department.

Larry tried to reassure her that everything would work out the way it was meant to be, regardless whether it would be in her favor or not, but after a time of him trying to get her to understand, as she continually gave him a negative rebuttal, he became frustrated and simply stated, “alright, enough is enough! I’ve heard nothing else from you since I met you but your situation of losing your kids due to your monstrous husband. I’m tired of seeing you feel sorry for yourself, and I’m tired of seeing you’re not working on your own self-esteem. Why are you stressing? If the outcome isn’t what you want, can you change it to where it would be? If not, give it time as time has a way of working things out on it’s own. Can you change it with the stress you’re feeling now?”

She looked at him with a dumbfounded expression on her face as tears welled up in her eyes, “I can’t help, but stress and worry,” she replied. "Every time I’ve been to court, they come up with yet, another stupid excuse to not let me have my babies back and I’ve done everything they’ve asked me to do!”

Larry walked over to her and pulled her up off of the sofa. “If you can’t let go of what’s going to happen tomorrow, even just for a few hours this evening, then get out of my house, go home and feel sorry for yourself and worry by yourself. You can’t change what hasn’t happened yet. I want you to remember one thing though, learn to say, and learn to understand the words to one prayer that I say… God, grant me the strength to change the things I can change, the courage to face the things I can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference…”

He walked her out to her car and gave her a hug. “When you have learned what that prayer means, and when you can get over yourself, call me. You don’t have enough room for a friend right now.”

She left his place broken hearted because once again she was feeling sorry for herself. The next day in court, it was as she had feared and her children weren’t returned to her.

Larry’s prayer began to hum through her mind as she walked down the courthouse steps. “God, grant me the strength to change the things I can,” she whispered…

A few months later, she began to realize exactly what the words meant and she was excited to be able to tell Larry that she finally understood them, plus how she had been working on not feeling sorry for herself. She had missed him and their friendship. She planned on giving him a call after she got off of work that day. During her lunch break, she bought the local newspaper and read as she bit into her sandwich;

Larry S Patton, 55, A retired police officer from Chicago, Ill., was fatally killed in a motorcycle accident while he was on vacation in his hometown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She never did have the chance to tell him how much she appreciated his words of wisdom, and to be able to tell him years later, just how much of a wonderful man he was for helping her to gain her self-esteem via getting over herself. He showed her how to get out of her dark place. He is dearly missed, even to this day…

This is dedicated to Larry S. Patton, a retired police officer from Chicago, Illinois who passed away in the late 1980’s.

The Full Original Copy of the Serenity Prayer
by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

2010's First Questions

2010-01-10T18:22:00.000-05:00

I hope and pray you all have had time to rest and unwind from 2009. If your past year was anything like mine, there were no regrets when December 31st was over with and January 1st presented itself.

So, 2010 is now upon us and thus, as I consider each new year, it becomes yet, another fresh start of a new chapter in life. Have you made any resolutions for the 365 day period? My resolution is, to make no resolutions at all! *chuckle*

Anyway… Since this new year began, I’ve had a couple of questions posed to me that actually took me by surprise because behind the questions, there was a little anger in the voice that asked it. I was asked, “why in the hell do you advocate and get so involved in this domestic abuse sh** since you were abused so badly like you were? Doesn’t it cause you to relive all of the old pain?”

I began to smile and easily replied, “with what I went through, I learned how to become strong enough to help others who either have, or are going through domestic violence. With those lessons learned along the way- maybe my experience can help save even just one person from all of the heartaches of that dark side of life. With being here advocating and trying to help, it gives me more spiritual and personal strength because it makes me feel stronger… and no, the old pain isn’t relived anymore because I learned how to free myself of it by being completely able to forgive my ex-abuser.”

The expression on this person’s face had the look like she had been slapped and after a moment of not saying anything, she quietly and abruptly changed the subject via talking about something else entirely different.

As I thought about these questions and also thought about how far I have come since leaving all of my pain behind, the little voice that lives deep within my being, spoke softly, “I choose to float on a sea of spiritual peacefulness after being tossed about in the stormy winds of all mankind…”

I’m a survivor- I’m at peace with myself and others… If I can do it, you can too…. Let's let this new year be the best it can be.

HELPFUL HINTS TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS

2009-11-25T09:06:00.000-05:00

The holiday season is approaching and for some, it is a joyful time of year, and for others, it becomes one of the most grueling painful sentences of living and surviving. It is to these folks, I want to reassure them, it does get a little easier with time- truly, it does…

Now, I’ve got to admit, I don’t know how many holidays I couldn’t keep my tears from shedding from missing my, ‘other’ children, (as I refer to them as such anymore,) and how badly my heart was aching. Even now, I still get that twinge of my heartstrings being pulled, to let the bottom drop out, (sort of speak,) but, I guess after all of this time, (twenty-four years later,) I have come to some form of an acceptance that, this is the way my life is meant to be and I do an affirmation of this. That little twinge goes away while in my mind, I think of them fondly and wish them a Merry Christmas- then I let all thoughts of them leave while I busy myself with what I need to do. Usually, preparing our feast- and what a glorious feast it is! *smile*

I have already walked the path that many of you are walking right now, “been there, done that, and don’t ever want to do it again,” *chuckle*. But, I do want to help you get through this season and time of year and possibly make you a little stronger as you continue either, your battle after the holidays or even your journey of being able to feel alive- like you matter in this world too. Trust me, it takes a lot within yourself to get to this way of thinking, but you’ll get there.

So, here we go HELPFUL HINTS TO SURVIVE THIS TIME OF YEAR!

1.) Don’t get drunk by yourself! This causes you to think and ‘cry in your beer.’ If you do drink, be around others who makes you laugh! This is a must because you need to be around people who will help you keep your mind on other things.

2.) Don’t be by yourself! Be around others who makes you laugh! Allow yourself to laugh!

3.) Give yourself permission to go out and enjoy what you like to do.

4.) Give yourself permission to enjoy the holiday season.

5.) If you’re not allowed to be with your children on Christmas day, stay out of the kid isles in the stores! Bypass them all together!

6.) If you just can’t get your children out of your mind for awhile each day, sit down and write a letter to them, or make something you know they’d love to have.

7.) Get outdoors if the weather permits and take along a headset you can listen to while you walk or jog. Choose music that inspires you and avoid music that brings you down with memories. Also, choose new music, not what the kids liked or would like.

8.) Most importantly of all…… PRAY FOR STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH YOUR DAY…………………………..

I hope these hints help- they helped me during my time of trying to endure my own personal hell.
-Abby

Does This Anger You?

2009-11-20T09:16:00.000-05:00

I ran across this blog piece that was written and posted on http://my.barackobama.com/page/community/post/benness/CWDm

I don't know who the author of this article is, but I do think they wouldn't mind this being posted where even more people could read it. Please read it in it's entirety as it's very informative. Comments are welcomed! -Abby

The United States government says our soldiers are fighting and dying to help protect Iraq citizens and develop Democracy for the Iraq government, when the US government can not protect the citizens from our own government agency, Child Protection Services, and allow this agency to terrorize millions of families by violating their Constitutional and Human Rights, as hearsay is the only aspect of usage in court to remove children from their parents.

US citizens pay billions of dollars of taxes for the government agency, Child Protection Services, CPS, to facade "protection", but really commit harm children, defame parents, and destroy families, as CPS, functions on hearsay, subjective, biased, opinionated, and careless lack of 'investigating', and the judges fail to honor their taken oath, but just simply rubber stamp anything said by the CPS workers, without evidence.

The United States of America, allows this government agency, Child Protection Services, CPS, to violate both the Constitution and Human Rights. Many children are abused and murdered at the hands of strangers, given by CPS. This agency is the human trafficking big money laundrying busines that is held under a cloak of secrecy, as there is no one to go to for help. Citizens are forced to surcume. As complaints are sent to the Federal Government, the feds only tell the citizens to take their complaint back to the people that are committing the crimes against them. There is no avenue of protection against this agency, who has no over sight or responsible for their crimes. If anyone calls with hearsay false allegations just to get a parent in trouble, CPS, will remove children from the innocent parent, without investigating, but will commit perjury in court to remove the parental rights from the parent, and adopt the children out under the federal incentive program to make huge re-imbursements for the state.

Not all children removed from families by Child Protection Services, is really in need of aide. Many children are removed by false allegations, but the CPS workers are negligent, and fail to truly investigate. As a matter of fact, once a child is removed from a home, parents are rarely honored of their rights for the truth to be exposed, as the judges merely rubber stamp the arrogant perjurious statements of allegations without any evidence or proof of their claims.

Many children would not have psycho-social issues in need of care if the government agency, Child Protection Services, was an agency of professionalism, with the ability to know the difference of truth vs fiction, objective vs subjective, and actually investigate allegations, rather than allowing their biased, cultural, opinion, from clouding the issues that are to be investigated. There is no room for the CPS' subjective personal biases, as every family is as individual as a snowflake. Not one family is exactly alike. CASA will only side with CPS, the push is to gain children for the profit of federal incentives and big bonuses, not the welfare of the children.

Therefore, helping children to become strong emotionally, mentally, and physically, with a positive self-esteem and self-worth, is not to remove them from their homes, unless there is a definite immediate threat for harm. Families may need assistance, financial support, medical availability, or education and direction to promote well-being as a family unit. However, CPS ignores their own policies and procedures, as they willingly with glee use routine tactics to remove the children from their home to force the parents additional stressors, of which is not the answer. I know what CPS does. I know their lies, willingness to commit perjury, falsification of court records, and their lack of fear to be held accountable or responsible for the harm caused by their lack of performing duties in the best interest of the children and families, rather than the best interest for the states to gain more federal bonus money or grants for the state.

Children in the US are stolen from safe homes, in order to make large profit for baby/child trafficking, in state, out of state, and internationally. Children are in danger all over the world, and that includes the United States, especially, in the state of Indiana. Many in society have become desensitized to the horrific actions taken upon innocent, precious, children. My heart is full of sorrow to have been shown the truths regarding how our elected officials fail to act upon the issues and ignore the cries of so many. From abortions of human beings, to abuse, rape, and murder, of the defenseless children, we are living in a society that has become as barbaric and heathenism as ever known. I am outraged, that elected officials down play the issues of many that suffer.

With much prayer, I hope you can being an awakening to this nation to stop abortions, enlighten the people of the hidden secrets of our government's mistreatment of our children, parents, and families, and empower many to seek God's help to stop our own nation's ruin. What can be done to stop the madness of our children being harmed and families being destroyed, by a government agency, Child Protection Service, which claims to “PROTECT CHILDREN” and “PRESERVE FAMILIES? Our government will not acknowledge, listen, or act, upon the tragic harm they cause. With black and white evidence of what harm and destruction they are causing, they are not concerned. The lives and voices of children go unheard.

To those who need the truth to explain why so many children die each year in the nation of The United States, especially the state of Indiana . This letter does not even begin to mention the concern of the untold numbers of “to be children” abortions done in secrecy in this state and nation, but also of a lack of Indiana’s ability to accurately perform autopsies for the children murdered under the care of the state, in order to, prosecute the perpetrator, which is not mandated. This would allow the citizens to be aware of how many children die under the state care, (direct lack of care), for the children they are supposed to be “protecting’!! Department of Children, known as Child Protection Services, CPS for short, is a government agency for a child trafficking business, a BIG money business, NOT a “protection” agency.

Our children are being abused and killed at the hands of strangers and parents are loosing their entire hope for a piece of themselves to carry on in this world after they pass. Cultures and family heritages are being demolished by those that are to "protect". Until I was forced to witness how CPS truly functions within a secret circle of deception, I never knew the depths of sorrow that could be felt, after witnessing first hand, the crimes CPS has done to so many, and continues to do the same, today.

Crimes committed by Child Protection Services and their affiliates, judges who are comfortable being passive and willing to allow both parents and children to be victimized, is the utter and complete destruction of many lives. The truth is that the government agency, CPS, which is to protect children, fails to do so. The belief that the elected officials will respond to their own constituents when the constituents plead and cry many letters out, phone calls, and walk-ins to the offices, for the help to save a child's life, is only a belief, without any truth or action upon the elected officials to note otherwise. Child Protection Services is allowed to walk about as a god. They refuse to follow any law, act carelessly with the well-being and well-fare of the family unity, the parent’s character, and safety of the child. Child Protection Services have no one to answer to, they investigate themselves, their freedom to use falsification and deception in the judicial courts, is their greatest power, second, to the strongest force of using fear, to make parents sign papers of CHINS and whatever else, as parents are told they will never see their children again if they refuse to sign the CPS paperwork. CASA and Guardian et Lit-em, and all other CPS affiliates will do the same. CPS is a breed of government that would make Hitler rise from his grave and smile.

Sadness, great sadness, is all that can be said, when one awakens to the facts that surround the numbers of children removed from their homes, alienation from their parents, and siblings scattered into different foster homes. Families are devastated by mere hearsay and biased subjective emotions of a social worker or case manager, and a judges’ disregard for the oath taken. The Constitution is disregarded.

The truth is that many parents, who love and care for their children, are defamed without the ability to protect themselves or their children from the perjury and falsification of court documents done by the state workers. Children who are abused by foster parents are afraid to speak up, for fear of not being listened to. The truth is that CPS, Juvenile judges, do not honor the taken oath, "For liberty and justice for all”, as hearsay, mere hearsay, is judged upon. No truth, no evidence, no facts, and no objective black and white clinical evidence, just hearsay.

The truth is that many children are in foster care due to the lack of the government agency, Child Protection Services, to assess, identify if an allegation has any validity, promote family relationships, intervene with careful planning to maintain family well-being, ability to evaluate all situations, and most importantly, CPS workers, fail to report factual truth. CPS workers function on hearsay, lies, deceptions, falsification of court records, and are willing to ignore the harm a child is in by the person CPS places the child into their care. CPS workers have no concern or fear to be held accountable or responsible for the accuracy of their actions. If anyone thinks this agency has oversight to protect the citizens, that person is very wrong.

This agency’s actions and functions are Criminality and extremely UN-Constitutional!! Not to mention, CPS is allowed to violate the Human Rights, as so does all government agencies, who ignore the crimes, perjury, and falsificaiton of court documents written by CPS. No one has 'Jurisdiction" of CPS. They walk about as a god!! Never held accountable or responsible for their failures and deliberate actions to terrorized families.

Many have cried out for help, but no one has jurisdiction of CPS. As parents give testimony on a website;
www.honkforkids.com
www.honkforkids.com/
videoindex.htm

UP-COMING RADIO SHOW

2009-11-16T08:31:00.000-05:00

Christian talk show that deals with real issues! The real news that is suppressed is the minority on major cable networks- it is obsessed and major here on the Derek Dreamer Show!!!!!!

Please come and join us, WEDNESDAY NIGHT @ 10pm... It's going to be a very interesting discussion as Derek has a way of setting issues on fire! We'll be discussing the injustice that has been done to Lorraine Tipton and other injustices done with family values and the family unity as a whole.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/derekdreamer/2009/11/19/interview-w-abigail-lurae

Petition the World!

2009-11-14T09:41:00.000-05:00

My husband is a quiet man, and a great listener. As he turned all of his attention on me, while I was telling him about Lorraine's situation, he simply stated, "everyone needs to have a petition drawn up to have that judge removed."

"What a great idea!" I exclaimed, "there's a petition going around for Lorraine and Michaela right now, so why not a petition to have that judge removed from her case, or even the bench?"

My husband smiled at me, "get all of your internet friends to start petitioning the hell out of the world, and in your friend's case, get that petition going and then turn it into the prosecuting attorney's office. Someone is bound to listen there. If not? Hit the general attorney's office with it!"

Words of wisdom from such a wonderful man. *smile* After he gave me a kiss and told me, he had to go get his truck fixed, my mind went into over-drive.

I began to wonder more about what has gotten into our legal representatives? They're sworn in via swearing to uphold the law and seek justice, as the truth will prevail, (or supposedly, prevail...) Sadly, who's justice are they seeking though and who's truth is prevailing?

In the case of the judge in Lorraine's circumstance, I also have to wonder, what legal books did he go through to base his intolerable decision on? We're suppose to have laws to help and protect the victims of abuse and child abuse- I certainly don't think they were set in place to help the abuser, abuse some more! At least, I don't think that was the underlying intention, was it?

It has been a world-wide statement of recent years past, "children are our future generations." What type of future generations is society hoping to gain when children are thrown to the wolves all of the time?

Children are taught from an early age within the schools to tell officials if they're being abused, or if there's presence of illegal things within their homes. They're constantly encouraged to basically, "kiss and tell." Officials listen to them then. So, why won't Lorraine's judge, (also an official,) or any judge, for that matter, listen to the child now? This seems to be a contradiction in terms, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, I have ended up with more questions than resolutions, but I do think my husband just might be onto something. If people start having more and more petitions drawn up, and more and more signatures are applied, what is it going to hurt? At least voices are being spoken, and maybe, just maybe, we can out number the, "so called, officials."

Can you imagine a new law, "No more petitions?" Food for thought...

Mother Jailed for Trying to Protect Her Child

2009-11-13T06:25:00.000-05:00

I received word yesterday of a mother, whom was sentenced and jailed for thirty days, for not forcing her eleven year old daughter, (Michaela,) to return home to her abusive father.

This mother by the name of LORRAINE TIPTON, has been fighting the system for quite some time now and has followed all of the judicial rules while jumping through every hoop possible. She is a very concerned and loving mother who has tried for the past few years to obey all court orders even when it meant making her daughter go and stay with her sexually and abusive father. Michaela is afraid to be with him as she feels she's not safe in his care. She say's she'd much rather go to a foster home than to be in his care.

Respected mental health professionals have met with Michaela and believes she is telling the truth, and Child Protective Services have interviewed her too, with the conclusion of a substantiated report against her father for his sexual abuse.

MICHAELA has requested to speak to the judge, but sadly, he refuses to allow this child's voice to be heard and has stated, that her mother will not be released from jail unless this child goes to her father's. Lorraine's sentence will be continually renewed until the child gives in and returns to her abuser. I find this totally appalling and unacceptable!

Please take a look at the petition that has been drawn up in support of Lorraine and her daughter, and please sign it! Let your voice be heard!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/217/petition-for-lorraine-tipton-and-michaela

Let this particular judge know, WE WILL NOT TOLERATE ANY KIND OF ABUSE IN ANY FORM ANY LONGER! Judicial abuse has to end right along with the domestic abuse!!

Let Our Strength be the Law of Justice...

2009-09-10T19:39:00.000-04:00

Part 2

In part one, I mentioned towards the end, “allowing yourself permission to live.” That seems like a silly statement, doesn’t it? It’s not, trust me! How many times did you feel that you couldn’t go on living, and continue living with the tortured mind that took over, almost on a daily basis? How many times did you wish you were dead? And… how many times, did you actually believe that your abuser might have been right by his statements, “the world would be better off without you in it,” or, “you deserve to be dead…” Also, how many times did you fall into bed in complete exhaustion from the mental war that raged within you each day?
You couldn’t quite give up and give into the temptation of ending it all as somewhere, deep inside of you, you were given the grace to continue on. Yes, I call it GRACE… The little voice inside of you has been speaking and willing you to go on as you’re taking one day at a time, living one hour by each hour, minute by minute, but why? Your spirit of survival, that’s why!
As each day goes by and the years turn into years afterwards, you’ve made it this far, you’re still living and breathing, but you still have your down times with your moments of crying, along with unbearable agonizing pain while rehashing the past. It’s good to let these feeling go as you are cleansing yourself emotionally, but it’s still hard to enjoy the time you’re at right now and feel alive with being a fully functional individual. It’s hard to trust, much less love another person, and your ex’s words echo through your mind, leaving their poisonous venom in each nook and cranny, seeping down towards your heart. So, what do you do? Are you tired of functioning this way? I know I was! It was time to get tough! I didn’t like who I was and I wasn’t any good for the people around me.
Give yourself permission to live and be fully alive. When those negative memories try to surface, make up an affirmation that is just all of your own. Mine was, “I don’t have time to think about this, I will live today and enjoy it in the process.” Then try to find something you love to do and immerse yourself into it. Mine is writing.
I would write about any and everything else that didn’t have anything to do with what I had been through. Fantasy worlds were made up with all sorts of people along with phenomenal storylines. Once I began feeling better with making it through my days without extreme heartache and tears, I began to start reaching out and doing more of what I enjoy doing… gardening. Showers became a blessing for me too. Not only did I clean away the dust and sweat from my body, but I also scrubbed away the negative thoughts, which I consider them as dirty as dirt, while mentally watching them flow down the drain. Once I stepped out of the shower, I was clean and renewed of spirit.
I had given myself the permission I needed to feel alive and start ridding myself of what oppressed me. It was during this time, I began to really listen to and depend on the little voice inside of me as I remembered how it had spoken to me previous times before. Once, it had kept me from being in an accident out on the highway going through Tennessee.
It was early hours in the morning and I was driving back home to Florida by myself. My car was equipped with a CB and I had quite a few conversations with the trucker whom was in front of me. I had been following him through Ohio and then into Tennessee. As we were getting closer to Knoxville, he told me, “hook onto my donkey darlin’, and I’ll get you through the metro before the rush hour starts in.”
“I would Transplant, (that was his handle,) but I need to stop and make a call to the ol’ man before he goes to work and let him know where I am,” I replied. “I’ll catch up with you on the flip flop later.”
“You sure darlin’?” he asked.
I thought about it and that little voice inside, nagged me to stop before trying to beat the traffic there. I tried to reason with it, but it insisted quite adamantly. I gave into it.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I told him, “I’ll catch up with you on the southbound later.”
We parted company- I stopped in Sweetwater and he continued on. After making my call to my ex, (whom was still my husband at that time,) I got myself something to eat and stretched my legs for a bit. A half an hour later, I was back on the road.
When I was driving through the bypass of Knoxville, I noticed how the traffic had slowed to a crawl while I listened to other truckers talking on the CB about how two eighteen wheelers had collided with each other in the southbound lanes and there were three vehicles behind them that had also been smashed in the wreck. Both of the drivers of those trucks, and the three drivers of those cars had been killed.
As my car crept forward and I could see the big rigs that were involved, my heart sank as I recognized Transplant’s, ‘parking lot,’ (he hauled cars.) If I had stayed on, “his donkey,” as he called it, I would have been one of those unfortunate souls.
I had listened to the tiny still voice within myself then and it helped guide me at that time. Other times, I ignored it, especially when I was going through all of the abuse my ex dished out and also through the abuse of the court system. In hind sight, I’d have to say, I was punishing myself for others actions towards me and my failures.
However, during the course of trying to heal myself many years later, the voice inside began to speak clearer and stronger. I was reminded of that time of driving through Tennessee, and I was reminded that I had listened then, and it was now time to start listening again. This was another step to take along my journey of becoming a strong survivor.
…Part 3 will follow…

Let Our Strength be the Law of Justice...

2009-08-30T13:42:00.000-04:00

Part 1

When you’re stuck in the darkness and can’t see your way clear, constantly being abused mentally and emotionally, not only by the damage your abuser caused, but by the cesspool of Social Services and the court system, it IS hard to see, much less, reach for any kind of light. It takes every ounce of your energy and courage just to face another day as you try to continue on while you know deep down, everything you’re dealing with, ends up being a losing battle- even with giving it your all to try to make it right, buries you in a monstrous grave of self-pity reserved for, “the loser.” This is a fact about myself I had to face as it was extremely hard and painful to admit. But, there is nothing you can do to prove to the system, you are worthy of YOUR OWN CHILDREN.
You’ve jumped through all of the hoops, you’ve tried to fight against them; you’ve been angered to the point of wanting to explode, but dare not, because they would add another label on you, possibly calling you an abuser too. However, if you continue to take their abuse, they end up labeling you, weak and not strong enough to care for a family. It’s a catch 22!
You’ve done everything you’ve been told to do, but the judges always side with the Social Services Workers, then comes up with the lamest of lame excuses as to why you can’t have your children back. In my case, “LACK OF COMMUNICATION,” (such fabricator’s, I swear!) Eventually, the judge tells you, he’s tired of seeing you in his courtroom and doesn’t want to see you there, ever again… So, where are you, one, two or three years later… and where are you within your frame of mind? Maybe sunk a whole lot deeper in the darkness, while unconsciously clawing upwards, trying to find your own worth. You had begun to learn a little more, but not enough to make a difference… not enough to stop that snowball from rolling and getting bigger… (Oh, how I wanted to crash that thing and smash it into little pieces! But sadly, I never could… it just got bigger!)
Your heart aches and then shatters into bits and pieces. You cry and scream with a vengeance as every hurtful emotion known to mankind becomes intensely unbearable… then once this all passes, numbness takes over. You feel lost and alone while trying to muster up the courage to face yet, another day.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GO FROM HERE?

The human spirit of survival is an amazing thing if you allow yourself to tune into it. Did you have times where you had to reach way down within yourself to grab just a little more courage… just a little more strength to continue on? Did you ever feel that you just couldn’t go any further, then all at once, a new found energy… a new found determination set in? This, my friend, is the SPIRIT OF SURVIVAL.
Now, I do know there are those who couldn’t make it and fell completely apart- they either lost their minds and their sense of themselves. Good people have fallen by the wayside with immersing themselves in drugs and alcohol or they committed suicide because they couldn’t grab onto any personal strength- they just didn’t know where or how to look for it. Personally, I think Social Services should be held accountable for their roles in being these monstrous abusers and contributing to the demise of these individuals, but that is beside the point for now.
I’ve had the question posed to me, “when there is no further place to go, no further to reach down into that darkness, how can you come back up?”
The answer is, once you’ve hit rock bottom, there is no other place to go, but up!
This is the very first rule of learning how to become a survivor. I don’t know how many times I told myself this before it actually sunk in. You can’t dig into rock bare fingered, and you can’t blast through it because you don’t have the equipment for it. Start pulling yourself up slowly, one day at a time.
Another question posed, “you've been broken into so many pieces and you just don’t have the energy to pull yourself up, where do you go from there?”
The answer, allow the Spirit of Survival take over, pray for strength and pray for guidance. Let that little voice inside of yourself speak as it has in the past, but really listen to it.
There are more steps in becoming a strong survivor, which I will cover in future parts. For now, if you’re looking to gain strength and become the person you wish to be, start with allowing yourself permission to live. Don’t waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away...just do the best you can to pick up the pieces and continue on.

Time for Change!

2009-08-29T15:27:00.000-04:00

There are no graceful reflections for those who are going through domestic abuse, or are being traumatized through the Social Services and the court system. The only time any kind of reflections, (good or bad,) can come to those, is after everything is all said and done. In most cases, it comes later as opposed to sooner of a heart breaking battlefield that has been lost. It took me quite a few years afterwards before I could even sum up the courage to examine what had happened and examine myself closely.
In the beginning of my self-discovery, I learned, don’t waste your whole life trying to get back what was taken away...just do the best you can to pick up the pieces and continue on. That sounds really hard, doesn’t it? What if I were to tell you, it is completely possible? Would you believe me? I think at the time of me losing everything that was the dearest to my heart, I may not have even wanted to read, hear or would have thought of this as a bunch of garbage. I was so sunk down in my own self-pity for what I had lost, and I was filled with regret, hatred, anger, plus any other negative emotion known to mankind.
Then one day, a fact of reality slapped me hard in the face while I was working on my book, Graceful Reflections. The reality was, I was still being held a victim of my abuser! I jumped up from my chair, letting it crash to the floor and began to pace. If my family would have been home at that time, they would have thought I turned into a mad woman! Anger filled me, like you would never believe and I screamed out, “NO WAY!! I WON’T GIVE YOU THAT SATISFACTION, YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!!” That’s when I realized that I was still being held prisoner of mental and emotional abuse. I thought I had left that behind when I had left him many, many years ago, but I was very wrong. I still carried his abusiveness with me and was allowing it to torture me daily for all of that time I thought I was free. It was time to completely and totally free myself…
In my book, Graceful Reflections, there is a part in there where Candice, the main character, is a Domestic Abuse Speaker and is speaking to a group of women. She poses three very important questions to her audience.
“How many of you can find it in your heart to forgive your abuser for all
of the emotional, mental and physical suffering that he has inflicted on you…How many of you can truly and completely forgive him?
“The room became quieter and more still as many women sat stunned by this
question. Candice looked around at the familiar sights she had seen of herself
in earlier times of her life. Dull eyes, broken hearts and bruises were her
audience.
“Now, how many of you can forgive yourself?”
Gasps were emitted from among the group, Candice chuckled quietly as
she could almost read their thoughts.
“I know, you’re probably thinking, you must be crazy woman! I’m the
victim here… forgive myself? …Right?” Candice paused before she continued,
“that’s exactly what I’m saying. If you can learn to forgive yourself then the
healing can begin.

In this blog here, I’m going to try and cover as many issues as I can. I want to help as many people possible with helping them learn how to rid themselves of the abusive vise-grip and heal their spirits in the process. We all need a healthy way of thinking to try and help others. Please feel free to leave a comment behind, or if you want to get in touch with me privately, you may do so via emailing me at: abigaillurae@live.com It’s time for change and this is the starting point… Maybe a better us can bring about a better government. A better government, better laws… We need to pave the way for others to not have to suffer as we have.

Graceful Reflections

2009-08-28T20:20:00.000-04:00

A New Motto for the Survivor to Live by... Taken from "The Book of Wisdom," and within the Book of Solomon,
Chapter 2, vs.11: Let our strength be the law of justice...

Reflections of who
I once had been;
Lost and alone-
Broken and bent.
Salvation came
When my soul felt spent.

So, this should be passed on…

To one who is weak
So timid… So scared
Life’s pain dims
As lessons are shared.
Grace comes from above
When it is asked in prayer;
Strength comes to those-
A comfort beyond compare.
-A. Lurae